Welcome To My Queendom

2011 Poetry

2011-07-10T05:32:00.000-04:00

2010-07-14T11:29:00.001-04:00

2010-07-14T11:12:00.000-04:00

The Truth Within My Dreams

2010-07-07T11:21:00.002-04:00

Last night I jumped up startled to the fact that one day I will die. I felt like I was being diagnosed days to live, I’m sure I could connect with the feeling patients get when told to prepare for death. As a child I was very fearful to the point I cried in fear of going to Heaven, yes Heaven. But the older I’ve become and the turmoil I’ve witnessed, faced, and even hear of at times has me beckoning death to come near me. But I know I’m not ready to perish. I know my job in life is to impliment my affect against the effects of society and people. I’m quick to say “Death is Peace” but lately death has been Hell upon us all. I cringe when I hear of young people dying in ways that could have been prevented. I cringe when I hear of people dying within a reason that no one knows the significance behind. Am I one of those seasonal souls that will die in an accident that will daily, monthly, yearly affect the souls that I’ve touched? When I’m not productive I feel I’m wasting breath and ought to die. When I speak to my peers and uplift them, I feel all the need to live. Moments like these I clear my mind and cuddle my thoughts next to God. He’s inhabited in my conscience most of the time. When I sin it’s merely a way of Him teaching me why I shant do what I’ve done again. He never leaves me, so why did I nearly tear to the notion that I’ll perish to Heaven or Hell one day? My childful mind prays to die of old age, but my mature spirit beckons to perish when my job is fulfilled in life.

YonA.Steeze Publications ©2010

It's Been A Long Time Coming

2010-06-06T06:25:00.000-04:00

I miss you guys.

YonA.Steeze Publications ©2010

2010-02-20T08:49:00.001-05:00

I've decided to participate in celebrating Lent this year. (I know I'm late too but my days will be done) I'm not Catholic, but if Iweren't Protestant I'd still be under Catholicism and besides I want to try it out. I want to practice self-control etc. etc. So I've decided to give my up pleasure of the internet. I'll be fine, I'll just tell myself that I have no internet connect. I'll read the Bible and focus more on school. Sounds promising. I also want to tempt at fasting. I'll do it for a week and see what my body says. A lot of people do not think I can do it, that's fueling me to want to do it for real. So I'll be back to blog in 40 days, if I haven't lost the interest by then.

Chapter 10: Emptiness

2010-02-18T20:35:00.000-05:00

It feels like there is something missing. I stop throughout my day waiting or expecting whatever is missing to appear and it does not happen. My chest feels tight and throbs uncomfortably. I have so much to give internally and I feel I am steadily short changed. My soul cries. I am beyond consciousness. I feel like a drifter in this world, eating off of scraps until I am fed what I deserve--I am starving. I believe there are unnecessary levels in my life that do not need to be there and if I cut through the fat lining I will be able to reach the basis and valuable part of my life. There is not a second that goes by that I do not bite my tongue from all the foolishness surrounding me. Why is it that others interactive with me see the glow above my head but I don't see anything but skeleton and dust when looking at them? I feel like an object amongst humans. Either I'm being used for my resources or used as a replenisher of common sense and energy. My vent is unclear and that's how it shall remain. This entry needs no questioning nor answers. This is merely me speaking to my subconsciousness with the hope that I will be able to answer my own self. *Scratches head* My storm will pass soon. I already see the clouds drifting away...♥

Chapter 9: Annoyance

2010-02-18T04:57:00.000-05:00

I've been cranky towards mankind all this week. Maybe my menstrual cycle is coming on, but I haven't felt like socializing this week. In my group of friends at school I've experienced annoyance to the tenth power. They are full of loud, aggressive, and instigating youth. Blah. Although I'm a sociable person, it's time that I embrace solitude and reconfigure my social life. I almost forgot how great it felt to be watched and have no one else to look at. Eh, I sound silly. I get bored easily and I'm bored with them and have outgrown them. I obtain nothing from them for real and they are merely entertainment for me. Time to change the channel. I'm not really happy for real, mainly content. By next week I may be my bubbly self again--or not if I decide to fast. Just when I was about to spit in my teacher's face with my middle finger in the air--no not exactly, just giving a visual--he gives me an A on my rough draft. I was starting to become discouraged about my writing. I had never received a C on a paper before but he screams, "clarity, clarity, clarity!" And I suppose that paper could have been much more clear. Hmmm. But my summary essay, which I felt was hard until I outlined it, was the better paper. I'm syced now because this second essay is worth double the first essay. "Hey we're moving on up,(moving on up) To the East (moving on up) We finally got a piece of the pie" (singing yes!). So I have more hope and peace when I walk into Expository Writing (Eng 111) at 2:00 every MWF. And with a big round of applause and hands held to the upmost: THANK YOU GOD! Because you know nothing in my life would be in existence without the Creator himself.--I vent once more ;)
YonA.Steeze Publications ©2010

Chapter 8: Losing A Friend

2010-02-17T17:51:00.001-05:00

And he said I was too prideful to chat him up unless he hit me first. Today I did one of the best things I could ever do and that was let my friend Mez go. Mez and I have history. We never truly had a friendship. And since our relationship went sour we decided to restore a friendship we never really had, and it was somewhat of a fail. I knew his intentions were to be my friend in the purest form, but I felt I was masking old emotions, to be honest guilt, with friendship. He would inquire why I would go days or months without socializing with him and it was because I was aware of my feelings and how bad it felt conversing with him. So we hadn't talked for weeks and I decided to text him today and confess once again my perspective of our so called friendship--it seems this is a never ending discussion between he and I--and he agrees that I can't be a friend to him. Hell, it's very rare that a past encounter becomes a friend to you. I feel I acted with maturity and logic. Who says losing a friend is a bad thing? :)YonA.Steeze Publications ©2010

Chapter 7: Lord Fahrarri

2010-02-15T18:33:00.000-05:00

My partner is steadily teaching me a lot. The little and important things that make a relationship work, I find in our relationship, whereas I had not in my previous relationships. First communication. As a child I've lacked the quality, or the balls, to express how I feel. I always assumed that if I did, whomever I am relaying my feelings to will not understand me fully. Well, I learned, thanks to multiple experiences, just how to do so. I vowed to myself that I would not assume anything as far as my boyfriend goes, so I keep it 100 with him. If I feel a certain type of way, I express it to him and he gives me his perspective. The feeling of getting emotions and thoughts off of my chest is such a delightful sensation and my boyfriend helps by not sassing me. And that introduces number two: argument vs. debate. We do not argue, we both find arguing a one-dimensional and ignorant way of getting our point across. We debate. We breech our arguments and hear one another out. If we find the other is wrong, we give evidence to back ourselves up. Thirdly endurance. We live 5 hours away from each other. Majority of people would say, "long distance relationships do not last." Well I suppose it depends on the connection. My boyfriend and I knew the consequences and possible outcomes of being distant from each other but we both agreed to take a risk. My boyfriend at first was cranky about the distance, but now he finds the distance and tackling our relationship as a means to test his, well our, endurance. He feels that once we are able to be I & I, or closer together, we will be great because the time spent far from each other will have built character in us. Am I correct Izz? So by my partner being a great friend, mature, and full of perseverance and honesty, I don't have to think negatively but just take this time to live and be happy with my babe. :) Thanks baby--my Lord Robert Dudley, for I am the modern Virgin Queen (Queen Elizabeth I).

Chapter 6: I don't trust you...

2010-02-14T05:09:00.000-05:00

"My past haunts me to this day. Maybe, no certainly, I was naive to think that everything you told me was for my better interest. I suppose because your words mimicked my emotions that I assumed that we were mutual. My whole relationship with you was a disease, mislead and now completely displeased. And to think you've ruined it for the next guy, because every time he's showering me with feeling I'm thinking of you and meaning to separate the two, but I'm blaming you and I can't trust him." -From some chick out there hurt
Thank God those aren't my words and even if that situation happens to me I already know that the next man may not be the equivalent of my precedent. I know a lot of people, both male and female, that pass up opportunities with suitable candidates because they've been hurt excessively by other men or women. It always perplexed me how they would claim that they love the person but not trust them 100%. That's a mockery for real. That's like diving in without having any equipment on, and what results? You nearly drown, or perish. Furthermore, my point is we are not all the same. You must realize what he or she did to you and get over it before you go smack at the next person. Period. YonA.Steeze Publications ©2010

Chapter 5: Karma

2010-02-11T19:55:00.000-05:00

And who said that karma solely means "what goes around comes around"? In fact, that phrase can be true. I take world religion in school and I'm studying the chapter on Hinduism, or Sanatana Dharma, and the Hindu people believe in karma which are the thoughts, actions and desires that shape our future experiences, NOT "what goes around comes around." There are two types of karma, good and bad karma, and depending on your karma depends if you escape the enslavement of samsara. Samsara is the cycle of birth, death, and rebirth. The Hindu believe in reincarnation. The main objective of Hinduism is to achieve moksha, moksha is the reuniting of one's soul, or atman, with Brahman, the divine. Now let me make it clear. In order to achieve moksha, the devotee must have good karma and reincarnate into a man. Men have the opportunity to achieve moksha. Let's say a man has bad karma, when he dies he will reincarnate into an animal, a female or another object. In that moment he has to have good karma so when he dies for the second time and reincarnates, hopefully it's into a man and then he can achieve moksha and will escape the cycle of samsara. The Hindu people believe that we are all bits of Brahman that got lost and that we need to make our way back to him. In bestowing good karma and achieving moksha, devotees participate in one of the four types of yoga, that coincides with the type of person that he or she is, in order to obtain a calm and clear mind in order to connect with the divine. Now how can we apply this to our lives? We can accomplish anything product when our mind is clear and calm and we have good karma. Good karma results in more positivity coming our way than negativity. Get it? Eh, I just felt like kicking some knowledge to the people. I gone. YonA.Steeze Publications ©2010

Chapter 4: Comfortability

2010-02-08T17:52:00.000-05:00

I do not have social insecurities so I do not find it hard to trust people. I have not been sabotaged nor have I had my reputation ruined, but I know that there are people out there who will attempt if they know they can; therefore, I do not trust too openly. I don't have a problem conversing with strangers about various topics but when it comes to my significant other I'm a little rigorous. I expect to find harmony in the relationship that I have with my partner. I must find comfortability on four levels: socially, emotionally, spiritually and physically. When I date a person I am very skeptical about the spiritual level. I am spiritual and want to bestow the discipline that my God commands of me and it makes no sense to date a person who does not coincide with my belief or at least is not tolerant of my faith. I make it very clear to myself that I will not compromise my faith for Man nor will I compromise my morals for Man, so any action that I make, no one made me do it but I influenced the action myself. Furthermore, I am very joyful to know that I am sharing my life with a young man whom I can share my spirituality with. He respects my morals and he pushes me to live according to what I believe. I feel like I can let that piece of me out that I kept away from 'worthless' people because I wanted to save myself the ignorance and the lack of care that I would receive. I notice that the more I turn my life onto the positive path, the more I receive what I deserve and the more I am less weary. I am content and humble in my life right now. Alhamdullilah!

Chapter 3: Endurance

2010-02-05T03:35:00.000-05:00

There is NOTHING wrong with redeeming yourself when it comes to you expressing your emotions to your peers, relatives or your lover. It's as if by you expressing your perspective and or your feelings you are allowing the person to see exactly what they've been looking over or have not noticed at all. When we express ourselves we endure because we actually care and want to see some form of change. In my case progression NOT a recession my dear. And being that I grew up with the lack to express myself, it took me years to fully grasp the technique and understand that it's not out to harm me but benefit me. At first I began expressing myself and my feelings were being defiled by authority and lack of tolerance. As I got older I had to realize that aggression enforces attention and that some people (my father) will not get the idea until it's too late. And then I experienced a "phase" where I would express myself but the person whom I'm expressing to would rearrange my words and change its meaning and my feelings would come back to bite me in my rear end. No bueno compadre. And so it took me a while to focus on ME and not so much get bent out of shape because the other person was damaging my true feelings. So I learned a way to express in different people's vernacular and it's working thus far I might say. Any who, my point is that for once in my life I spoke up about my feelings, although to me it felt negative, and in result it brought forth something positive. Therefore to stand by what you believe and feel is very true. So to my boyfriend, yes I will endure with you :DYonA.Steeze Publications ©2010

Chapter 2: Words

2010-02-04T16:24:00.000-05:00

"A man's word is his bond, but his actions exudes his character."

We are so accustomed to hearing people tell us what we deem they should tell us based on their role in our lives. I rarely tell my family that I love them because I feel my membership in their family makes us mutually obligated to love each other. Now when a significant other and I exchange "I love you" it means much more. I hear so many couples saying that they do not love their partner after breaking up with them and I never understood that. Love is such a compelling word with multiple meanings according to the situation. I believe we should love others the way that we love ourselves. Just how protective you are with yourself and your heart, be that way with that special person. How much we attempt to build confidence in ourselves, we need to build confidence in that special one. Love is very biased and selfish. We crave attention, communication and affection from our significant other but forget to reciprocate it. Some of us lack to give selflessly. We are rarely unconditional, for we always judge and ridicule our partners. Smh. I find it rare that anyone truly loves. Would you sacrifice your happiness for that special person? Would you step out of that person's life for their benefit because you feel at the time you are burdening it? Would you sacrifice your pride and ego to show your heart felt feelings? Many would say no. It's not just the actions it's the CHARACTER that we bestow with love that proves all. It took action for people to believe in the significance of Yeshau; it took action for people to believe that we are a powerful nation; and it surely took action for me to believe just how much my grandmother loves me. "I love you" is irrelevant, it's full of selfishness and pride and I'd rather be deaf upon those three words. I'm just saying. #bigfaceGRIN

Chapter 1: Choosing My Audience

2010-02-03T10:44:00.000-05:00

I suppose you can say I'm back to blogging. Here's your moment to cheer or spit snide remarks. I seem to find solitude and security in revealing bits of my life to the cyber world. You may call me naive and it's required of me to be tolerant to ALL opinions, well sometimes it's best we shut up and listen and the internet never interrupts my rants so I vent to it. What we as bloggers and others who reveal information via the internet fail to realize or even notice is that we have no privacy laws that benefit us and we are being looked upon by the government BUT I don't pay that any mind because just like your friends who gossip about you and tell your secrets, those whom read your blog spread your word to others as well. Thus I do not focus on my audience anymore. On Twitter and Facebook I chose my audience as the people who are led astray, dogmatic and just ignorant but my uncle said it's pointless to dwell and try to give vision to blind eyes, in my own words, and I'm no Jesus of Nazareth so I will not worry anymore. If I seem to help you in anyway I thank you. YonA.Steeze Publications ©2010

Good-Bye

2010-01-16T16:00:00.000-05:00

I've been blogging for about two years now. I've always wanted to have blog solely for music or fashion but I'm not too enthused in either so that was a no go. I felt comfortable using my blog as a journal and as time passed I felt I need to add substance so that my avid readers can incorporate the message in their lives. My internet regime is something like this: Blogger, Facebook, Twitter, and occasionally the instant messengers; I am bored with internet appeasing and conversing. I want to be something like a motivational speaker for the people but I need to get myself together and reconfigure my audience because I feel like I'm being overlooked. With all the above said I'm not going to be blogging for awhile. I don't want to delete my blog so This will be the last post. Below are the other ways you can contact me if you need me. Ciao & Bless!

Twitter @queenyonnialq
Facebook Fan Page: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Welcome-To-My-Queendom/267069631003
Email: baltigirl410@yahoo.com

Current Events

2010-01-15T18:40:00.000-05:00

As you know this week a 7.0 earthquake affected Haiti. It's a tragic situation being that it was unexpected, there is a large number of Haitians pronounced dead, people are still trapped and dying by the day and over all the infrastructure of Haiti is ruined. But the good people of the world have done their humanistic duty and are giving aid to Haiti. I texted "Yele" to 501501 and donated $5 dollars. I was on Twitter with a friend and one of his tweets said something about the earthquake being evidence that "a" God exist and the earthquake his wrath sent to the chaotic country of Haiti. I don't know how YOU feel about that but I know it had me thinking about Noah and how God told him to get out while he could because He was disgusted by the wickedness going on and sought to get rid of it by wiping out mankind, starting anew per se with Noah. Just a little Bible "myth" for you. Since I've been taking World Religions class I've learned a lot of terminology associated with religion. And for those who know me personally or follow me on Twitter, yeah religion is on my tongue like vagina on a lesbian's. Any who I can't wait until we get to the chapter on Islam. My new friend Sameer, by way of Mez, has been sharing some Islamic hadiths with me and I'm so greatful because like scriptures in the Bible; the hadiths are just as useful. I read that some people believe that there are multiple ways of reaching God and I agree so I find nothing wrong with being open to Islam and my first 'love' Christianity. My knees cramp up when I get low for the Lord and like Mez said, I hope I'm not over praying to you Lord *looks up*. Happy two week anniversary to my Buka baby! Although I mentioned my opinion of us possibly rushing; it has NOTHING to do with my true feelings for you. I'm overjoyed being your girlfriend and KNOW that if I ever feel a type of way I will let you know, keeping it 100% with you. You mustn't get so up tight but converse with me to see why I say it. I'll listen to you so why brush me off? I'm sorry. Once again I must watch what I say. Hope you forgive me soon. En los manos del Dios.My homeboy Kamaal aka Theodore Grams' flow really keeps me at bay and right now two of his latest joints are giving me my life but here's one: "P.U.I.C.Y (Philadelphia's Uncensored Inner City Youth)"http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=1312728092589&ref=mf

Get Your Facts Straight

2010-01-09T22:31:00.000-05:00

There is a reason for everything we do and in this blog I'm skipping my reasoning and supplying facts. I've realized the more mature I've become that when a man or a person in general respects you for your character and not your looks, the relationship is worth while and not fool of falsehood. In our society headdresses are worn mostly by Islamic women, known as hijab, BUT headdresses are not solely subject to Islam. For example, Nuns wear headdresses and the Virgin Mary is depicted wearing a headdress; as well as Jewish women. The headdresses worn by Nuns and Jewish women are known as wimpels. The wearing of headdresses has be in effect long before Islam became a religion so please do not ask if I'm considering converting to Islam. From an Islamic perspective though hijab is worn for the purpose of modesty or in other words to prevent lust of men. From a Christian perspective this is what I've researched: In 1 Corinthians 11:3-10

3But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.

4Every man praying or prophesying, having his head covered, dishonoureth his head.

5But every woman that prayeth or prophesieth with her head uncovered dishonoureth her head: for that is even all one as if she were shaven.

6For if the woman be not covered, let her also be shorn: but if it be a shame for a woman to be shorn or shaven, let her be covered.

7For a man indeed ought not to cover his head, forasmuch as he is the image and glory of God: but the woman is the glory of the man.

8For the man is not of the woman: but the woman of the man.

9Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man.

10For this cause ought the woman to have power on her head because of the angels.

Thus it is proper for women to have their head covered. Now you may wonder where I found the interest or even the want to consider par taking in covering my head. Well I've been studying Islam--I'm on hiatus now-- and when I read up on the reason for hijab--"refers to the veil which separates man or the world from God."[3] (wikipedia). As well as morality and modesty--it attracted me. I was curious if it would be deemed offensive for a non-Muslim to do so but then I found out that it's not only in Islamic culture. See when you research you find out a lot, only the ignorant would assume incorrectly. I've come to the realization that the more I study the more I accept 'morals' that will make my life better rather than living under one institutionalized organization i.e. one direct religion. I know God so as long as the morals I support are pleasing to God then I'm good money. On another note, I strongly feel before I cover my head on the sole purpose of being modest I need to change my lustful ways. It's total hypocrisy if I do not. I wonder what Buka has to say about it and your opinions are appreciated as well. Below is a photo of me attempting.

Drained

2010-01-08T16:17:00.002-05:00

I completed my first week of college and at the end of the day I am drained. My grandmother keeps comparing this moment to my first day of kindergarten. I was excited and I loved everything. I suppose it has some equivalency. I've reunited with old high school pals and even went further back and caught up with summer camp and elementary school peers. One thing I can say about my school if not community college in general is that I am attracted to the personal relationships I have the opportunity of having with my instructors. My professors beckon us to ask questions and stay in contact. If I were at a university I would lack the chance. My school promotes that students respect each other and the school (we're going green), improve critical thinking skills, responsibility, communication and collaboration. So you see, I have nothing negative to say about my school thus far.
I've befriended and socialized with a lot of different people. I learned the proper way of pronouncing "chutney" from my Indian classmate, I got into a discussion about computers and skateboarding with a few students chillin' in the lounge with me and I've even been hospitable as if I've been on campus the whole time. It makes me feel good inside when I attract people or people open up to me. I'm not the nosey type nor do I affiliate with nosey people but just talking to people arouses me.
Funny story, so I was in the lounge chatting it up and I happened to look at my cell phone for the time, it was 3:23 so I rushed to shut my laptop down and practically ran but I'll call it stroked to the next building. I ran up the one flight of stairs hoping to not be late for my 3:30 psychology 150 course and when I arrived the lights were off and the room was empty. Smh, I forgot that my professor does not work on Fridays. I laughed at myself.
I'm chillin' in the library until my grandmother retrieves me. I have math homework due Monday, I got a jump start on that. I have two hand outs to read for English and a scantron assignment due in World Religions. I'm in need of food and a little nap. You know, I've noticed that when I'm tired, as soon as I go home I am rejuvenated. I need to fix that. I need sleep.

On to the next one...
I'm on Facebook and one of my internet friends has a Muslim name. I was curious to know who the person was because the name was not familiar so I clicked on their name and it's this guy name Brandon. I read one of his statuses and someone asked if he's Muslim now and he said in a joking manner that it's his alter ego. Now I had this quote to say about it: "So he dapped up Muhammed and gossiped about Jesus and at the end of the day he never tried to son God. I see what Gettis was talking about, the mockery."

If you know me personally you know I call myself Queen Yo'nni al-Qaeda "and no I'm not a terrorist." I don't josh around with the Islamic culture I just "annihilate" people who are unworthy of me in a figurative manner as the terroristic group al-Qaeda does to those who have a non-Islamic influence in Islamic nations, they are more realistic about their approach of course. I don't expect ANYONE to understand my mentality. But I had a friend who claims he is Muslim get upset with me. He said I offended him and now that I see this guy, Brandon, claiming a religion to be his alter ego shows me that he's engaged in mockery and possibly lacks knowledge of Islam. It annoyed me. And I felt like I was Gettis and Brandon was me. I instantly attacked my own self because before I can judge I must reevaluate myself. I told my boyfriend and he said I created an epidemic. NO! Not intentionally. But I digress.

First Day Recap

2010-01-06T18:20:00.000-05:00

Whew! Keyona finally started school today. Whew! Sarcasm. I tried my best to get good sleep last night but I kept waking up every hour texting Buka. I woke up before my scheduled time (6) and I knew days before the outfit I was going to crush. Hmph, dolled it up a little, or maybe a little edgy. I got dropped off at school before 7:30, my grandmother watched me go inside, just like in high school. I befriended two males, Francis and Nathan. They really made my morning. They knocked the chill off of my nervousness. I almost started the day wrong because I was in Building D and that's the building I go to on Tuesdays and Thursday for my sociology class. So around 7:45 I walked to my math course in the Administrative building (8 to 8:50). After math I went downstairs and got my campus ID done then went to the library to attempt to get my internet to work, it didn't. Wake Tech's wireless internet was down. I ran into a middle school friend and a high school friend. It felt good. I wanted to sleep forreal. The guy Nathan showed me a 'hide out spot' to nap unnoticed so I'm going to check into that if I don't go home tomorrow. My math instructor repeats herself but she's cool. Mr. K, my World Religions instructor, is from Congo and he's attractive for his age. I observed something great today. A lot of people follow a religion because they were brought up that way. There are a lot of lost souls on this Earth. I have two classmates who are atheist but their parents religious and other classmates whose parents are Catholic so that's what they say they are but truly they aren't sure. Interesting right? He's interesting too. My English teacher is funny as well and says "hell" a lot. Now my psychology instructor plays no games but she always says,"this is how life is." So overall I have no complaints. Tomorrow (Thursday) I have math and then a big gap until 2 when I have sociology. Ugh, I can't wait to get my license to go home to sleep. Ayeee if you think I'm pumped I'll just say, "Yeah, a smart nigga can never get enough of school and learning." Photo of the Day:

When Somebody Loves You Back

2010-01-05T20:51:00.000-05:00

Photo of the Day:

I spent today with my next door neighbor doing some what of a deed for her. She treated me to Olive Garden and I enjoyed exchanging conversation with her. She is a very nosey lady but she doesn't mean harm. I politely and honestly answered her questions but I was sure no to give her information that would upset my grandmother. She is funny by the way, I needed to get out the house one last time before the weekend. As you may know I start school tomorrow. Bright and early. My first class is at 8, math...ugh. I have to get accustomed to going to bed early and waking up early on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays.
I want to give a big shout out to those who show me love and support. A big shout out to my brother Mez, he has never left my side. Even when I kept my guard up and pushed him away he kept it 100 with me and I respect and finally love him for that. I steadily unravel the positivity in my life when I'm amongst those who show me love. I appreciate those that do what they do not have to do for me. God steadily utilizes people to benefit my life and I appreciate it. It's nothing but love over here! And a big happy one week anniversary to my baby Buka ♥, you are the bomb baby!
Random Poetry Vid:

Dominance

2010-01-04T16:34:00.001-05:00

I delved into a conversation with a former high school classmate and he got me hip to the things going on in his life. His brother, whom I do not remember, is having a baby boy. He went on to say something about thanking Allah for continuing the black race, sorry I can't quote him, and that's when I supplied him with these two quotes (I love when in discussions and I say things like the below):

Pray to Allah to instill wisdom in you to be a factor in taking at least one young man and young lady off the street. We sex to reproduce it is not a game but you wouldn't know so many chess pieces (black babies) being switched up and out of place

And if a man is not present a woman must still instill something into that young man she birthed. The reason "niggas ain't shit" is because they weren't taught anything by their mothers/fathers...We're young we're still learning so why put a new born on this Earth unless you have something to give forth?

A lot of people, not generalizing a race at all, are par taking in reproduction and forgetting that with sex comes birth (if you aren't protected) and with birth comes the time invested to raise, instill and take care of a child. I cannot see myself with a child right now because I am still learning things for myself. I'm still being treated like a child in my home and I'm 18. I judge no situations. My statements are for those who think they are invincible. All in all I congratulate my friend on his new born nephew and I hope that his brother and his brother's fiance,I believe, change stereotypes of the youth and child rearing.
One to other news...I have one more day to be 'free' and then my life gets hectic with school. I am excited. Spending a whole semester home sucks. Now the only thing that stresses me out is the stress that my grandmother will have every MWF (Monday, Wednesday, Friday) of this month until I get my license because she has to drop me off at school before 8 and pick me up around 5. I realized that when we are around people who are sad or stressed we carry on their emotions. I live off of vibes and I know it's going to be a roller coaster ride but I will be positive as much as possible. I have a lot of people in my corner, supporting me so I know the burden on my grandmother's shoulders will be lifted some how. Thank you God. Also I need a job. I know the smart move is to get comfortable with school and then work so I'll talk with God and see how He's going. So yes, my life is back in shape and I'm loving it. I have a great boyfriend that I miss dearly and as long as you're good I'm gooooooooooooood! YonA.Steeze Publications ©2009

All Wild

2010-01-03T18:53:00.000-05:00

I woke up this morning holding my pillow thinking about Collin. I went shopping today with my friend Tiyonna. I don't have much money to my name but I don't do the window shopping thing. I copped two shirts from Forever 21 and a pair of jeans from Delia's. I'm going to order a pair of all black 16.5 Jordans. After this no more shopping. I'm going to pray to God to get a job. I just hope if I get one it does not conflict with school. It'd be cool if Mr. Steven would put me on his tab, hell his wife doesn't work. Smh, you must NEVER try to wear the shoes of another person. Quote me. One thing I notice about myself when shopping, I'm not the type to spend a whole day in the mall. I go to the mall knowing exactly what I want and when I get it I get tired and I'm ready to leave. I was slowly shutting down when I was there.Photos From The Apple Store:

Have you ever had a relative that lived a negative lifestyle and now judges everyone else as if they forgot where they came from? My cousin is in a messed up situation. His parents physical and verbally abuse him. He tries to spend time with either me, his family in Warrenton or our cousin Mikey but recently his father has been downing Michael because he dropped out of high school, he drinks and smokes and to him he feels he isn't doing anything with his life. So my cousin, Kwuan, spent New Year's Eve with him and I supposed lied about not having a curfew so he spent the night over Mike's. Well his father was expecting him home at midnight and when he didn't come home he went to Mike's house and knocked on the door. No one answered and that angered him. So he called me to speak to my grandmother and told her some things. He told her to tell Sylvia, Mike's mother, to tell Mike to take Kwuan home now and then on to say that Mike cannot see his son nor come to his house. When Mike dropped Kwuan off, Uncle Clemon had words for him too. Smh, my family is so screwed. I can't wait for the day something tragic happens and my family becomes one. Sounds bad but it's true.

Aye Gyal Wah A Gwan!?

2010-01-02T22:31:00.001-05:00

Photo Booth Aye!

Izzy Fahrarri ♥

Queen!

Still thuggin'

Tiney Winey & Suction CupsWe spent some quality time together and then chilled with Mikey at PedxBaltimore (1701 Aliceanna St. Fells Point/ http://pedxbaltimore.wordpress.com/ @pedxbaltimore on Twitter). Afterwards we hit up a sushi bar then on to Mike's spot where we exchanged our new year kiss :D. I miss him already. I can't wait to return to you Buka.YonA.Steeze Publications ©2009

New Years Eve

2009-12-31T11:44:00.004-05:00

I woke up this morning to a text from Buka saying that it's snowing. My whole trip up here has been full of monkey wrenches. The first monkey wrench is my grandmother coming. I will not go into details about that because I have blogged excessively about her. The second monkey wrench was the incident with the police officer. Mista Jaycee, Beth received her tags this morning at 11:51. Yay! She is planning to go to the station to do a written report to the police officer because he had NO business taking our ting (patois). And lastly the third monkey wrench thus far is the snow. It has stopped snowing now so hopefully our plains didn't foil, Buka. I knew it was going to snow today though. My grandmother said when there is snow still laying around, 10 days later snow shall hit and it's been about 10 days if not fewer. And another superstitional (is that a word?) reason is because today I am planning to be dolled up. Yes dress, stockings and my boots (no fur, no suede JUST leather). I do not dress that way on the regular and it's to surprise him♥.

My internet friend Adam @ http://www.theblacksunn.com/ has transformed his blog into a 'journal' and his first post has allured me to keep on reading. So check him out and he's on Twitter as well @theblacksunn.

I had a txt session with Bobby and I told him exactly how I feel. And he reciprocated. The love he and I have for each other must be true because any other nigga would have acted foolish to how I feel. Bottom line he cares about my happiness and my happiness is with Buka right now. Interestingly he is starting to believe in marriage and he says he is spiritual but questions how God can be sovereign when we allows Man to run free. Marriage and spirituality were the issues I was having with him. Hmph. He's so dogmatic that's why I let him learn on his own. Glad his health for the time being is in control and we are not on bad terms. Right now I want nothing but a friendship, we've been in fairy tale mode since the jump and I am ready for reality.

So if my plans go as planned I will supply you with photos either in this entry or tomorrow's. Be safe and joyous on your New Years Eve festivities. :D
Another decade alive and I'm gooood! I ended the year achieving what's important and mending my relationship with Mez.

Altitude

2009-12-30T20:46:00.000-05:00

I made my journey back to Baltimore this morning, leaving Raleigh around 5 AM, at 10 AM. Within a few minutes of being in Baltimore, the Baltimore County policed pulled us over. Beth, the driver, was not speeding, we had on seat belts; so what other reason could it have been? When the police officer approached the vehicle he told Beth that it's against NC policy to have a cracked windshield (it's against NC policy if the crack makes it impossible for the driver to see) and then he told her that her vehicle is not insured. Does a light bulb go off? Yes, the police officer had ran our tags before pulling us over. Beth's car is insured it's just her tags were old and she had up to 10 days to pay a fee to get her new tag. Well the police officer was not being lenient whatsoever. After what seem like forever, he told Beth to get out of the vehicle and speak with him. Fast forward, so the police officer decided to remove Beth's tag and impound her car but we ended up towing it to my house. It cost Beth $150 to tow the car to my house. The officer would not follow her to my house and the take her tags. He was being a complete jerk off. So the whole ordeal had Beth in an emotional fit. Her husband took care of it, he is mailing her her new tags tomorrow so that come Saturday we can return to NC. I prayed for the situation and at the end of the day things worked out. Tomorrow Beth plans on going to the police station to report a complaint because after talking to the DMV in NC they said that the police officer had no right to retrieve her tags.

Bobby had me boggled in the wee hours of this morning. I always knew of his heart condition and he's in the hospital now. I prayed this morning that he's taken care of. God knows what's best for him. I told him to not be afraid. :/

I got my hair done today. I love my godmother's regime. Her shampoo girl scratched my scalp and gave me a good washing. She blow dryed my hair, pressed it with the hot comb and then straightened it more with the marcels. My scalp is oiled as well so it's shining and flowing. So hair done check, so next is to put together my New Years Eve outfit to 'stun' Buka and BOC since I'll see them tomorrrow.

I swear a monkey wrench was thrown just to get up here, smh at it all. My basement is currently jumpin' to Soca riddems for the party tomorrow. I'm not too sure if I'll be par taking in the fete, if my grandmother makes me come home early then I will be.

I'm tired, a little hungry and this computer is slow. Thanks to those who have recently became followers of my blog. I appreciate it A LOT!

All Wild

2009-12-30T00:20:00.002-05:00

I will only blog at the end of my day. This blog is a continuation of Tuesday and it's clearly 12:08, a new day. I'm expected to leave for Baltimore around 3 AM so why even go to sleep you know? My grandmother and I enjoyed a nice lunch at Ruby Tuesday where I introduced my feelings about her perishing. Buka asked me,"What is the purpose of life?" And I replied,"To reproduce." Then he went on to say something about death and I expressed my lack of fear when thinking of death and how I will not even be saddened when my grandmother Carolyn perishes. She's been through extreme pains in her life and I feel once she is no longer in existence she'll be that caged bird that will not have to sing, but will be free from all the humility she's been through. I told her that and of course she semi-saw it as something negative but I quickly explained my reasoning in layman's terms. I love her and my grandmother Linda to death and I feel as though once they are in death things will be strenuous with my parents. My grandmothers are the enforcers. If it wasn't for them then a lot would not have taken place. :)

My evening was spent with Tiyonna and her family. I was so happy to be able to spend time with Pierre. I hadn't seen him since he disappeared on me last New Years. I was on pins and needles for a month worried about his whereabouts when the whole time he was locked up. He still looks the same. Below are the pics. *Yawn* I need to relax. Ciao.

Photos!

Polo bullshit

Pierre and Yonni

Tiyonna

"Walk By Faith Not By Sight"

2009-12-29T09:02:00.002-05:00

I woke up this morning to a text from Buka saying, "Baby I'm scared." (I hope he doesn't get upset about this). So I replied,"Why?" He applied common sense to the Bible and it challenged his beliefs. He asked me do I believe in God or Jesus. I said God and I'm sure those who are uber religious will say that Jesus is God in the flesh. I also told him that to Christians, Jesus is the Son of God whereas to Muslims and Jews he is merely a prophet like Muhammed (for Muslims). Then he asked if Jesus is man how could he be conceived from a virgin when there was no test tube technology at that time. It had me stuck because I can't scientifically prove how Jesus came into existence. And I hate that feeling. Let me say that Buka still holds his belief it's just he was thinking logically and it tainted him for a moment. But before we got on the subject of my belief in either God or Jesus, I told him (from what I obtained from Tank) that religion is just a watered down version of ancient principles. See now I feel stuck. I don't want to make statments and/or dive into information that will harm me (as Buka feels as well) but I feel that doors are consistently being opened and I'm finding an abundance of outlets that are connecting puzzle pieces together. I instantly prayed before jumping into the situation but since Buka opened it up to me I've really been thinking about the whole ordeal. Thanks baby (sarcasm). I just hope once again I am not making a mockery of God. Now you can say I think too much, Mez.

Pic of the Day:

Life is merely a party, let's see who can out last the inebriation.

The best thing about yesterday was interacting with Shyindi and Montego. When I think of us I think of Ceily and Nettie from The Color Purple and how they were separated through out their lives because of a man and eventually they unified. I suppose I should give a round of applause for the man who is "making efforts" to put them back in his life even if he's not using COMMUNICATION to bring them more closer to him. Hell, he's pushing me away. Especially by his nonsurprising living conditions. I'm still fed up about that. He will not EVER see me over his house again if it continues (oh and it will) to be like this. :( Y'all pray for the weak.
So I've been tested twice this week in the face of theology and not once have I turned back to run. I'm a soldier. I'm not Queen Yo'nni for nothing. :) Baltimore TOMORROW! Yessss, Buka I'm a'coming.

"I Got All My Sisters And Me"

2009-12-28T18:06:00.003-05:00

I woke up this morning around 8 to deposit money in the bank. Thank God I have overdraft protection on my account. I have $198 to my name, oh gosh. I definitely need a job so that I can put back all $1265 back that I had originally received as graduation money. When I returned from the bank I got on Facebook and saw that my sister Shyindi was online so I hit her up and she informed me that she and Montego were over my father's house cleaning Imani, my baby sister's room, so I decided it would be best to go over as well. Tomorrow is Imani's birthday and what great way to celebrate by having all your siblings to share that special day you. Right! Yop, so I'm over here now. I haven't been here in months, almost a year and things still look the same. (Hence the first photo). My friend Mez said he sees me as being role model my sisters and I agree. We've been separated for far too long due to someone's stupidity and now that we are together of course I'm going to seize the opportunities. Later on in the day things got overwhelming for me. Although I'm used to this filth, I can't bare it. It's ridiculous to have guest over when your house looks like the homes on the show Hoarders. Ugh, it should be a health fine. Detrimental. How can two adults be so filthy? Not even setting an example for my step sister and youngest sister. I surely wasn't raised to be a nasty woman. Ugh, I cannot wait to go home.
And with all the above said I'm off the market, Buka♥

Pics of the Day:

The living conditions are sickening :(

After I, it's Shyindi my ♥

And then Tego, hahah the female junior.

Kickin' Knowledge

2009-12-27T16:13:00.001-05:00

Fact of the Day:

It is not In God (Allah) that We Trust, but In Government Ordinance Department that We Trust.

I felt like a child with a secret when I learned that the "GOD WE TRUST" on the back of the dollar bill really means Gov't Ordinance Department. I thank Tank for telling me about Moors and showing me the videos. I haven't done my research but I'm starting to get the urge and when the urge kicks in, I'll kick knowledge to y'all. You know I won't lead you astray. Tank asked me what my nationality is and so once I study Moors (Muurs) I'll be able to tell him, if I see him again.

Here's the vid where I obtained that fact

The Baltimore Ravens Vs. Pittsburgh Steelers game is getting on my nerves. I'm for Baltimore, but Baltimore is NOT performing their best for real. It seems the referees aren't for Baltimore, bullshit flag penalties for real. And then when Mason dropped that pass, oh man!!

So I'm on Facebook and an old high school friend IMs me. He greeted me with the Islamic phrase, "Asalam alaikum," and I replied,"Wa alaikum asalam." He asked me if I was Muslim and I said no. And he said,"so...??" And I explained why my middle name is al-Wahhab. If you don't know, Muhammed Bin Abd al-Wahhab was considered a puritanical Muslim, minus details, who was big on utilizing violence on non-Muslims in order to purify Islam, thus those like the Taliban and al-Qaeda have become influenced by his ideals per se. So my old friend said he felt disrespected by the fact that I'm not Muslim and I'm 'faking'. I clearly told him I'm not Muslim and explained the whole Yonni al-Qaeda mentality to him. He went on to ask why I used the term "Allah" for God in my Facebook status. For one, God has a multitudinous of names so I didn't find anything wrong with using Allah. I didn't want to leave it at "It is not In God We Trust," I wanted to put an emphasis on God. But I handled the situation maturely. I wanted to be sarcastic and say,"Well you oughtn't parade as if you've been a pure follower of Allah and have not committed sin after sin. For if you are truly Muslim you will not be acting as you are." But I heard him out. I understand why he may feel disrespected but he came at me wrong when he said I was acting like "fuck him." In no way did I say or carry that attitude but people can add on scenes you know. So to end the dispute I said,"Be of peace and lack of judgment for your Creator has the only say. Pray for the man that robs you of your value, your faith." And I signed off. Afterwards I prayed to God, ha should I say the Christian God? Heck no because Muslims, Jews and Christians believe in the same God. Bet he didn't know that. I probably know more about his religion than he. Unlike he I will not blame nor judge. Man, he had my heart beating fast.What y'all think?
YonA.Steeze Publications ©2009

Day After Tomorrow

2009-12-27T00:12:00.007-05:00

Happy Birthday Granddad Oscar. I hadn't seen him since my graduation cookout and that was June 13 of this year. He knew about my college situation and up until now I wasn't trying to speak about the situation--I spoke of it 'til my cheeks turned red--and I didn't want to see his look of upset either. So I decided to surprise him. I went by his house around 1, but he wasn't home. I almost cried. But I came back when I returned from visiting other relatives. He was excited so I feel my day was fulfilled. I saw my great grandparents today. I swear I love Richard and Ethel Davis even if they were the ones who 'ruined' my family. It takes trials and tribulations to reunite a mass of people and to create greatness. The greatness is ME! I'm delving in positivity. I visited my great-great grandmother as well, I should have taken a photo of her because her Indian plaits are gorgeous. I wish my hair was back at it's old length. *Sighs*. Drunken uncles have been around me since the holidays started. My great-great Uncle Gundy aka GJR was funny as hell today...he kept calling me 'Boy'. Anywho...

What I really want to blog about is the convo I was having with my sister on Facebook. I asked her if our father converses with her. She said no. So I know I am not alone in this one. I'm kind of tired so I'll just paste quotes from myself in reference to the conversation. Shyindi (my sister after me) mentioned that she feels our father treats Imani (the last child) better than he does them (she and Montego--the knee baby) and I said, "He lived with her from day one...they have a tangible relationship. He doesn't speak to her how a father should i.e instill value and morals. If she didn't live there it'd be the same as us three. Smh."

You see our father has 4 daughters that he doesn't communicate with. He does things for us that is expected of him by those who are around him. If we never called him, he probably wouldn't care but since people inquire about us he has no choice but to hit us up. When we're with him, he doesn't ask us how school is, if we're into boys, what we plan on doing in a couple of years, he just inquires about bullshit or speaks to us when ordering us around. We spend time with others more than with him. But I told her, we don't blame him. We've been better off with our maternal family. And I told her, "Look at how he treats his mother, so you know he won't treat his female daughters the same."

It feels like we both vented about our feelings dealing with our father Montego Shears. I swear if I have a son he will be a better man than my father.

Pics of the Day:

Great Grandpa Richard...the whole reason 'nough said

My best friend and his daughter on Christmas, just had to shout yo out
-♥Yon'YonA.Steeze Publications ©2009

His Day, But We Party Hard For 'Em, Or So We Say

2009-12-25T18:19:00.004-05:00

Regardless if you believe in it, condone it or par take in a fete or not, Merry Christmas. Around religious holidays that are polarized by different groups; I've heard that it's the day that Jesus was born, in correct, and then those who say it's the "White man's holiday", in correct. Then yesterday I met a man who is a Moor who had an argument about the holiday as well. Ugh it can get so overwhelming and confusing at times. I just pray to God that I'm not creating a mockery of Him. But two things that the guy Tank--the Moor--told me is 1. "What is your nationality?" "You are not black, black is an adjective. You are a noun." and when he said,"A believe changes. You can't believe in God. You either know Him, know of Him or know His attributes."

I'm going to do my research on Moors (Muurs) for his sake and I will believe and follow what I find to be fact and not what someone is feeding to me. A lot of us do that in fact. I also know that we should NOT try to force a mass of people to follow what we believe or follow 'truth' because they have to want to do that for themselves. For example, why ignorant people laugh at what's different to them. I follow a guy on Twitter (@bilalsankofa) and that's what he does, attempts to force knowledge to people. He's a "Transformational Behavior Coach - Afrikan Centered Life Management Services", so I suppose it's his profession. On to my holiday...

So when I got back home yesterday evening Uncle Steve and Tank came over. I know my grandmother was uncomfortable by that because there wasn't really a reason for yo' to be over but he was inebriated. He showed me hella love but said some WILD things to me. For example, he told me that "Keyona if you get pregnant I will reach up and snatch that son of a bitch out of your womb." Wild right? I know. But he kept saying that I'm so articulate, that nothing is getting in the way of my success and that I'm his project and I belong to him. With his push and support anything is possible and I thank God for utilizing him. :D
I woke up around 9 this morning. I called my father and then my grandmother Linda. I had the annual Christmas breakfast minus a couple relatives. I got a 19" flat screen HDTV by way of my grandmother and mother. Smooth. My friend Chandler was just laughin' at the antique television that was in my room last night. The joint with the dials. Don't laugh. My two first cousins came by minus their parents and we geeked hard. My father came to pick me up and we hit up my great-grandma Sarah's house and I feasted a little bit. I'm jy like anorexic so yeah...then I stopped by my step grandparent's spot. I hadn't seen them since Christmas '08. My little sister Imani has grown, sheesh. Pictures below. Athough my family wasn't together like how we use to be back in the day my Christmas wasn't just "a regular day." Hope your day whether you celebrate or not wasn't a drag.

Pics of the Day:

While my father pumped gas...

My father..."when you look into his eyes you see me"

My 9 year old sister Imani, grow much.

w/ Love, Yonni (Collin♥)
YonA.Steeze Publications ©2009

Christmas Eve

2009-12-24T19:45:00.001-05:00

I'm very proud of the piece I composed so if you haven't peeped my earlier blog go peep AHORA:http://yonandrogynousteeze.blogspot.com/2009/12/yona_24.html

CHRISTMAS EVEI woke up this morning around 9 and I really wanted to sleep in but my body prevented me- as usual. So I did my morning urination and my grandmother proposed the idea to hit up Apple Bees so with much procrastination we slowly got dressed and hit up Apple Bees. I got the sampler appetizer. Feeling obese much. After eating we met up with her friend Charlene at Triangle Town Center, which I was totally against, so I took a picture or two inspired by my boy Collin.

Choptown, al-Qaeda

WDYWT: Entree sweatshirt x DC jacket x Shrinky fit Levi x Penny 3s

See the sweatshirt better
And lastly...

This lady almost touched it...like did she not know an alarm could've went off?
I stopped by Charlene's house to drop off my appreciation card to her husband for paying for school and the car etc. but he wasn't present. I have a little story to tell. So some how Charlene and Dominique (Mr. Steven's daughter) got into a discussion about Dominique driving Charlene's Toyota truck and Charlene mentioned how that pissed her off that she didn't consent for anyone to drive it. Dominique was told by her father to drive the car. Charlene said that she doesn't like anyone driving her car and she tried to cover it up by saying,"I don't even let my kids drive my car," but she really made Dominique feel uncomfortable. Hell I was uncomfortable. So when she walked off, Dominique went outside. My charismatic grandmother went to Dominique to soothe her and she told Charlene just how she made Dominique feel. Sheesh, selfishness. HAPPY HOLIDAYS YOU OL' PAGANS :)
YonA.Steeze Publications ©2009

Poetry Segment

2009-12-24T09:19:00.019-05:00

Quote of the Day:

Around this time next year I was compressing bombs in my tulips and letting missiles shoot off in 'em, bakery Yonz and I was cooking up a mean brew, yeah around this time next year I was doing this...I surpassed y'all future so I restored my past.

-Yours Truly

Restoration (Draft)

Individually encaged in a mass of people.

My mind is compressed like two ear drums beckoning to be set free.

Eyes casted upon myself and I close mine to restore the only ounce of comfort that I have.

If only these persons knew the omnipotence that which I bestow then possibly they’d leave me be.

I can’t allow myself to be susceptible to the likeness of the people.

For I was constructed not out of clay but of a different breed of man.

Adam and Eve were deemed too weak to reproduce We, my people, and thus God prematurely constructed a Uterus to inhabit We, my people.

And when We bled through we were immaculate in nature

My first words were proclamations and I swore to save lives

Fed a cold shoulder so I wouldn’t nourish off of sympathies

We enhance when we are sickened so a disease I clothed in and exchanged my health with sense of wealth that short changed popular cents

Individually tortured by rules amongst a mass of people
And I’m slaughtering minds

Nurturing malnourishment

Dying to restore a dying breed,

Imbalanced by a journey lacking worth

But, I am not alone.
-Keyona T. Shears

"Terrorism is my thing..."

2009-12-23T18:11:00.001-05:00

I cannot be home without spending time with Ace Guala. He's my closest male friend. He picked me up and I ran an errand with him. After that we hit his homeboy's house and took this loooooong walk to this park to go taggin'. Exclusive place and it's against the law so no details giveth. Sorry. I feel like I got a work out from walking to and from the spot. Ramon, I believe that's his name, is a cool dude for real. I love hanging with artistic souls although I'm not artistic, well with the words you know. :) I was freestyling today, should've had a camera to record me. I have my webcam so maybe I'll brew someting (patois) for y'all. Yo, I'm late but Lupe's mixtape is SERIOUS! We were bumping that in the car and I was getting my LIFE. Breathe...Photos of the Day:

Titless.

2009-12-23T11:52:00.001-05:00

I'm back in Raleigh, North Carolina. My flight got delayed yesterday from 2:40 to 3:25, but overall my experience was good. I have no complaints. I sat beside this foreigner and when the flight landed she said, "Thank you Jesus," she looked at me and said,"Happy Christmas, happy holiday. Jesus is coming, have him in your heart." And I smiled and said,"The same. The same." My grandmother was getting on my nerves calling and calling to tell me things I already know. But I digress. She was excited to see me and I caught a 'tude. Don't judge me. I realized I made an early mistake. As soon as I got home I got my things in order, showered and waited for Chris Bess to pick me up. I accompanied him to Bed, Bath & Beyond, then he took me to see my car. Mr. Steven made me drive to the coffee shop. I was soooo nervous. I need to refreshen my driving skills. Afterwards me went to Rukus Pizza where my friends were suppose to perform but it turned out to be a bluff. So we left, got some Cook Out and went to his apartment to watch a flick. I was pressed for time and didn't want Carolyn calling me so I came home before 1 AM. I realize that as long as my days/nights are busy I won't be so drag about being back home. Tomorrow is Christmas Eve and my baby's birthday. I hate I won't be there with him to celebrate. I'm currently waiting on my homeboy Ace to pick me up now. I have no idea where we're going but I know I'm HUNGRY. Count down until school starts: 14 days left.Welcome Back

Adieu

2009-12-22T10:22:00.001-05:00

Phrase of the Day: "Never Close A Door If It Has Potential"-MezThis phrase sticks out to me because at that time I really needed that phrase. I was so confused and merely nauseous over someone who returned into my life. I didn't know exactly how to react so I sought advice from none other than my "you don't need a degree to decipher a discussion with me" friend Mez (www.welcometomezatron.blogspot.com) and that time he didn't make things difficult. So I made efforts to see if this door could stand open without forcing it and as of now, I'd like to close it but I'll keep it cracked. BUT! The main reason I decided to blog about the phrase is because I feel like I opened a door that's always had potential from the jump. I've always been attracted to someone and it's like now our anticipation is balancing our interaction and we're staying true to the way we've always felt. I've never been the type to rush things but I don't let 'opportunites' pass up either. I told him regardless if we go beyond our friendship, we established a friendship from the beginning and that's not going anywhere. Okay, now I'm blushin'...
Picture of the Day:

Billions of Currency "Respect Your Wealth"www.billionsofcurrency.com
www.twitter.com/billsncurrency
Well my flight is today at 2:40 pm and I will be leaving my house around 12. I enjoyed my 2 or 3 week stay in Baltimore. The highlight of my trip is hanging with Fahrarri (gah he has so many names in my blogs), Mikey, Jamie, Dev, and JP. Also seeing Al, Dre, Danni, and Georgio while up here. To all those that bluffed me out, fuck outta here on another effort of me attempting to make plans. Sheesh, so many great things occurred it feels like I'm entering a new season. But hopefully I return next week to get my boots and get some loving from Buka. Happy Holidays!!!!

YonA.Steeze Publications ©2009

December 21st Part II

2009-12-21T22:43:00.000-05:00

My official last day with my godmother was well spent. We geeked so hard today. Sorry, no photos of us. She purchased another pair of boots for me. This time feminine shit, peep:

Penny Loves Kenny Lari Riding Boot

But in black.

My new trend for the winter is knee boots accompanied by skirts/dresses above the knees. I'm going to be feminine :D. I thought about Buka when I looked at these. I have to return to Bmore to get my boots and to see him♥ so I'm looking forward for my return. My grandmother tried to trip like I couldn't come back unless she came as well, hmph, she does not want me to trip. In case I don't blog anytime soon happy holidays my avid readers/skimmers. And don't forget to follow me on Twitter @QueenYonnialQ

Freestyled Poem |12. 20.09|

2009-12-21T09:25:00.000-05:00

I've trekked masses of land,

Nomadically seeking refuge within my own spirit.

Taunted and chased by the darkened fear that clouds my mentality.

Being taught to slaughter intellectually and to render like mindedness.

Although I've forfeited a mind structured to fit my lifestyle, I've prematurely succumbed to irrelevancy

I've become blinded, stigmatized by trickery

Foolish and babble have been fed to me and I've digested mockery

And now I've stopped, I've vomited fuckery

Grasped my own spirit by choke hold and have realized the direction of my refuge

That it lies within me

So never again will I allow a gold spoon full of fecal information to be fed to me as if it holds gallons of worth

I, a queen of strength must prevail amongst all irrelevancy.

Keyona T. Shears

And We Going Liiiike

2009-12-20T17:27:00.000-05:00

I swear I'm sooo drained. I feel miraculously uncomfortable and I do not know why. My day only consisted of going to the hospital along with my cousins Tracy, Dashawn and my godmother Annie to visit the mother of Tracy/the sister of Annie. She has cancer. Dashawn is too young to go visit so we sat in the lobby. I got a little sleepy so the he and I curled up in the chairs and went to sleep. Sorry I don't have a 'cute' image of us. Gaaah, I cannot wait to go home and then return (lol) because I want to see Buka one more time. Rest in peace to actress Brittany Murphy, sheesh I strongly dislike tragic deaths like that. My friend Adam tweeted for 2009 to be over because there are too many deaths but in actuality death isn't going anywhere until it gets all of us. I use to be afraid to die but I'm not anymore. When I think of the situations going on around me I kind of welcome death. That's just me. I was awarded the "Love At First Site" blog award by an avid reader Zodiac http://www.lovemybigego.blogspot.com/ thank you very much miss.Pics of the day:

I and DaShawn

Planting Poetrees Again

2009-12-19T11:06:00.002-05:00

Untitled Piece
I hypothesized this love encounter before even indulging into it.

In what ways can I provide the love and care that you expect of me?

In what ways can I better my experience and actually feel like what we share is worth while?

In what ways can love love me and not have me loathing it?

In what way...?

And your wrath was so demanding that the pain transformed into pleasure and the wars turned into victories.

You the king to my Queendom withstood it all.

And although the peasants attempted to damn the unity between us, oh Jah kept us I and I

And I praise HE for that

I love you, loving you is the strength that which I love me

I aid you like a crutch, I push you like a belief

You are my experiment and I'm not afraid to share you with the world.

The synopsis of our love encounter 'love endures all, no selfishness, no pure mockery'.

-Keyona T. Shears
YonA.Steeze Publications ©2009

Hoax- A couple more days to go

2009-12-18T23:07:00.000-05:00

And Tiara told me I wasn't going anywhere due to snow. My flight got canceled so I'm flying back down south Tuesday. My godmother and grandmother don't think I am capable of doing so alone. Sheesh, there's a first for everything, understand!? And I'm kind of blown because I was ready to come back home. It's not like I can spend time with friends, the snow will get in the way. Hmph. But Mez made it seem so great, he said God is with me so it's better to be delayed than on the plane and then an accident. Dig? I love you God! I spent my day chillin', my manz Brandon came through and we took a bop to Micky D's and Shoe City. I copped a cap, it resembles the fur hats worn by Russians, and two happy meals from McDonald's (for me and Brandon). He spent a couple of hours with me and then my cousin Tracy picked me up for a little meal for her son's birthday. It was chills. I almost banged her son in the mouth because he went wild on me. Smh, he apologized with her force. Blogs to check out: www.godevzzz.blogspot.com ;http://www.redvelvcake.com ; www.billionsofcurrency.com

Pics of the day:

Brandon (Pook) & Yon'

Last Day

2009-12-18T08:15:00.002-05:00

It's my last day in Baltimore...Yay! I woke up early this morning to print off my plane ticket. I hear it's expected to snow tonight and it's going to be all rainy and wild in Raleigh tomorrow.

I mentally celebrated my 1000th tweet on Twitter yesterday. Sheesh and I've only had Twitter for 2 weeks. Do I have that much to talk about? Possibly, come find out @queenyonnialq

I swear I have to get my hair back this length:

And it was only a couple of months ago when my hair was like this....Pardon my craze over my hair...it's only about 3 inches shorter so to some it's still long. Thank you God for allowing me to still have my hair. Hmph, that sounds better huh?

Day 17: Almost the end

2009-12-17T09:41:00.003-05:00

Good morning America and sweet Grenada!As if I have avid readers from the home country (I wish so indeed). Last night's sleep was rough. I had wicked dreams and I couldn't actually sleep. It seemed like I was dreaming first and sleeping last. Insomnia!? To entertain my lack of slumber I read up on this fantastical/sensual blog: www.lipglosschronicles.com It's a great blog for those who enjoy reading as well as those who are big on imagery because the writer of these posts will have you visualizing what she's writing about. Today's word of the day is simply "influence" and I've realized that with influence, it doesn't matter the percent that is in your life, it can impact you in such a way. A lot of people strive for successes when they see other people 'shining' and that there my folks in where the influence takes place. I'd rather be the influencer but it's a cycle so my pride isn't deaden at all.
It's spoiling time and I'm really passing up the opportunity. I suppose I'm increasing in age and realizing that most of the things I like I get bored with so I don't want to waste anyone's money. I'd rather spend my own hard earned money but I'm currently unemployed, never been employed--don't be surprised--so when I get comfortable with my first semester in school I'll go out seeking again. I'm living my life in an unorganized fashion. First it was not going straight to Hampton and now it's a car without a license. I can't complain now. I use to look at how my friends were doing "what I am suppose" to be doing but it's happening for me now, with ease some how.
I asked my spiritual brother "what if one were to commit suicide in order to be with God in their mind?" And he flipped the whole question around. He stemmed it off of ignorance when I was purely asking if there is possibly say someone who is born mad or mentally challenged and they have this outrageous love for the Almighty that they truly believe in death they are automatically with Him so they commit suicide. But oh no, Mr. Mez had to go off of being a punk and trying to escape and using death as a reason. We all know, those of the Christian faith (and I'm sure other religions as well) that if you commit suicide you are going to Hell. That's what we are taught so why would a sane person who has a great amount of faith in God do such a thing? It takes one who is lost to do so. Anyway, pet peeve 1001 is when I ask a simple question and someone expands it. Smh, you don't need a degree to decipher a discussion my brother. I still love shordy but eh, it blew me x100! But just think about it and tell me what you think (the question of course).
I'm in want of a photo shoot, more apparel and a badddddddd bitty.One day to go and I'm GONNNEEE!Follow me on Twitter @queenyonnialqYonA.Steeze Publications ©2009

Day 16

2009-12-16T17:26:00.000-05:00

Just two more days in Baltimore, Maryland. Hmph, today was real chillz. I woke up at 7 and waited on my little godcousin to get dropped off around 8 so I could walk him to school. I wore the wrong pants outside. I had on my ji satin warm up pants so the wind was tearing at my thighs. Smh. I enjoyed my little fifteen minute walk with Ahmad. I explained a lot of things to him, like when he inquired about drunk driving and the boundary lines on a basketball court. :) I felt like a big girl, I'm not eeevveeen going to fake.
My godmother and I spent some more time today. We hit up Security Mall--dry ass mall--, Sam's Club and Family Dollar/Dollar General. She shopped for my godfather and her sister. She offered to purchase me some thing but I didn't really feel in the mood to get anything. I'd rather just order online or something. Hmm, how many guys could I have bagged in Sam's Club today? Smh, but I wasn't feeling it either. Thinking about yo (hope he knows who he is).
Pics of the Day:

Little Eye & Big Eye Beauty

Bentley (godmother Anne) pushing me in Sam's

Day 15

2009-12-15T14:21:00.002-05:00

I finally got my hair shampooed and straightened. I was partially determined to prove that I can restore my feminine look to Collin. He likes. My head feels so free and liberated. My godmother scratched the dandruff out, shampooed my hair with dandruff shampoo and I got a treatment. She pressed my new growth so I look like I still get perms or better like my hair is naturally straight. I'm still going natural but I've realized that you can't "have too many cooks in the kitchen" because clearly my kitchen has been chaotic. Meaning, I let someone else besides my hairstylist trim my ends and they fucked me up! I hate trims already but I understand it's needed in order for the hair to grow...the dead ends must be clipped off. So my godmother ranted that I need to go back to the hairstylist I was originally seeing since he knows my hair. TRUE!

Oh my, I ate some of my godmother's vegetable soup and like a hour later my stomach started bubbling...I'm not even embarrassed to say it. I am not eating anymore of that. :( And it was gooood!

I spent some time with BOC and enjoyed my 'cute' moments with Izzo.

The press out

The finishing product feat. the marcels (spell check)

3 Week Diary: Day 14

2009-12-14T15:48:00.002-05:00

I just realized that I've only been in Baltimore for two weeks. So the title of my entries have been inaccurate. My bad.I spent some time with my godmother shopping and she bought me a pair of buttaz. It has been like two years since I wore Timberlands but the boots I'm expecting for Christmas are the kind with the blue rubber front. I compare it to a duck but to give you a visual the Polo boots. I'm not really excited for the Christmas holiday anyway. I've surpassed the excitement I received as a child, you know?
Shouts out to Izzy Fahrarri for blogging about my hair, yes my dude you may play with it when it's straight. BET!
Quick rant : "When emotions get in the way sometimes you make the wrong decisions."Sometimes it can be the stupidest thing to depend on. It's like that slim chance of making it to the NFL or NBA, if you take a risk on love for an example you may or may not get what you want out of it. I'm just saying, I feel I need to treat certain situations like a business suit, FORMAL. Gah, I'm so clowned out at times. Ay Dios mio.
I have nothing else to blog about. Food, nap and be back laterrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!5 days left in the city.-Ciao.
YonA.Steeze Publications ©2009

3 Week Diary: Day 13

2009-12-13T20:59:00.001-05:00

As I'm slowly cooling off from what feels like a steaming hot day, I'm pondering on the many situations we place ourselves in; whether we are merely taking risks or just going off of emotions. Regardless of which reason, we have to accept the consequences that follow up. For example, not to put the infamous one out there, but why would you have sex when on the influence of marijuana with a female you have NO feelings for and then act a donkey when she becomes pregnant? While reevaluating myself I realized that when I'm feeling a certain way and forced to make a decision under pressure I usually take a risk and am burned by my actions. That I need to work on. I seem to care more about the perception the receiver is going to get that I blindly sacrifice and that's not good. Just a little thinking, nothing major.

I went to Church this morning tired and less energized. Today's sermon was about being tested and the guest pastor spoke of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego and how they were placed in an environment where they were demanded to praise the gold stature of King Nebekenezer, but Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego believed in one God and one of the 10 Commandments is to not worship any pagan gods so they refused to bow down to the king and because they failed to follow that procedure, King Nebekenezer order the three of them to be placed in a furnace. Now this furnace was on temperature hot enough to form diamonds, but by the protection of God, Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego came out alive where as the guards who took them in were killed by the heat. The punch line to the story is that under pressure Shadrach, Meshack and Abednego kept their faith in God and when the enemy tried to harm them, they were spared and the enemy was not. I was kind of blown I lacked energy to give God full praise for the blessings He's pouring my way.

After Church I decided to unbraid my hair and my friend Tiara, known to a few as Prego due to her pregnant state, came over and ended up taking my hair out for me and eating dinner with me. I bluffed my Collin out, pardon me Izzo. Here are a few photos:

Fat face

3 Week Diary; Day 12

2009-12-12T12:14:00.001-05:00

"Yeah I'm single, nigga had to cancel that bitch like Nino..."Never allow your mind and the 'what ifs' to maneuver you around. Why can't people live and not worry so much about logic? When we're born there is NO book that tells us how to live life. We make decisions and have to live with those consequences. I was on the phone with Bobby and he told me that he realizes that I think too much. He found it humorous, but in actuality he is the one who thinks too much. When he thinks about something it's like the end of the world for homie so for he to tell me that I think too much it angered me and I told him about himself. Smh. I don't disagree with some of the things he over thinks but at the same time just LIVE, don't sacrifice a chance to be with the one you love over some insecurities. Reason why I'm single right now. He needs to realize some things for himself.
I'm babysitting during the day and hopefully today will not be a repeat of last Saturday when I was 'molested' by three little boys. This time I'll be having two, my godcousins Dashawn and Ahmad.
The way of the world is evil and you don't realize what you truely believe in until something petty happens to you or your peoples. I see why some people have that killer mentality after something happens to their love ones. I don't believe in an "eye for an eye" but don't test my people's life. I pray for those lost souls.
I'm ready to take these braids out and go back to this look:

3 Week Diary: Day 11

2009-12-11T11:14:00.004-05:00

Word of the day: Positivity. Do I even need to define such a term? I think not. The balance of positivity in your social life, love life, inner self and environment as a whole can be such a compelling aura for your life. They say we live amongst the ying and the yang in order to make the world go around, I believe that to be true. In order to know that the good is the good you have to meet with the evil in order to FEEL like you want to change your ways. If you disagree, the comment box is below. What I'm saying is, knowing that you are surrounded by positivity makes life's advances less stressful and you have even more confidence to do things when you're receiving positive feedback. Some people utilize positivity as a way to live within a 'white lie', no I like realistic, constructive positivity in my domain.
What does today hold for me? I'm not sure. My brother is coming around the way at 3 when he gets out of school so I'll prepare for his arrival. I wouldn't mind going to visit a friend this evening but my home girl may not have the car. This might be a chill day because I'm tired. I spent my whole night/early morning conversing on the phone. *Yawns.*
I'm not missing North Carolina but I have some unfinished business there. Time's wrapping up for me in Baltimore, wish I could stay longer to be with my friends :/. I need a shopping spree. Rambling.
I saw my twinny Nard and I haven't seen him since September so it felt good to be with someone I'm real close with. :)AND I GOT A CAR!Allow me to testify to the Lord's greatness. Ever since things didn't work out with Hampton U I felt my life was going down hill. Well 'patience is a virtue' is soooo true. Man, God has blessed me in so many ways big and small and I owe all thanks and appreciation to my Father. :) I thanked him during rough times and I'm wilding out for Him at this great moment. Give thanks y'all, you never know who may come into your life and open doors. Now it's time to get my license!Just day 11, more to go.-Ciao.YonA.Steeze Publications ©2009

3 Week Diary: Day 10

2009-12-10T17:18:00.002-05:00

My day consisted of chilling until tonight when I go to The Clipse meet and greet. I told you guys I would fill you in on my situation that occurred yesterday with Bobby and I. So after I replied to his email he told me to text him. He instantly called me and we talked. It's intriguing but not surprising how I answered the phone as if we never stopped talking. I don't blame him for anything. When he called me that day and broke it off with me in his mind he thought he was relieving me and and in my mind I was feeling like our relationship wasn't pleasant to God. We keep coming back to one another so it allows me to believe that something has to give with he and I. Is he that fantastical tale I'll be telling my children when I get older of the true love I achieved in my youth? I don't know. I just pray constantly for him personally and for us. He explained to me how his life was after we stopped talking, he says he gave up on finding love but never gave up on me. He sees how much he loves me and of course I love him unconditionally. Bobby has an internal struggle that he's been fighting for some time and it does get overwhelming because I try to help him through. So at the end of it all I told him I want us to be friends although our feelings for each other over ride it. I told him if he wants to progress we will do so but slowly. See what messed us up is that we lived for the future and forgot about the present and every once in awhile reality would hit and he'd crumble. We both have things going on in our lives like me starting school next month and he working and trying to get school/his career in order. So who knows what tomorrow will hold... Shordy is just my friend for right now so tell them niggas I'm single for the moment.♥SMELLING LIKE TRUE RELIGION AND I'M READY TO ROLL!When I get home I'll explain my night with the boys at the meet and greet. Okay so it's BRICK outside mane and niggas (The Clipse) didn't even show up, but I enjoyed myself with Collin and Mikey Billz. Just day 10 and less than a week to go.-Ciao.YonA.Steeze Publications ©2009

3 Week Diary: Day 9

2009-12-09T10:56:00.000-05:00

I woke up this morning to some good news. One my grandmother called and said Mr. Steven said he has something for me and he sounds pretty excited. I hope her assumptions don't defeat me. I'll call him later and then tell her. Then my aunt Devorra asked me if I heard the good news and hesitantly I replied,"no." So she told me to go to my cousin Joe's Facebook page and sure enough there was GREEAAAT news. My manz, his son, is breathing on his own. He isn't on life support anymore. Sheesh, when man said he had a 50/50 chance of survival God said, "I got this." I thank God sooooo much for sparing my manz's life. Smh, and I know that Joe is "mentally and emotionally challanged," he wants to do harm to the one who shot his son up that bad. But God got this. We going to get justice. Smh. If you've been praying thank you so much and if you're new to this piece of information I'll inform you in a comment if you ask. Seems like today is going to be an awesome day. Awesome start. And I attempted to sleep in. My body won't let me. Here's a photo from yesterday that I wanted to post:Yon' & Gloom

And we're so ound!So as I'm blogging, I decide to check my email and I swear I thought my eyes were deceiving me. Bobby, my Love (but we stopped talking) emailed me and said,"Hello...is it too late to say I made a mistake??" I wanted to cry off bat. Immediately I prayed to God. My brother Mez told me "you gotta make sure that you dont close the door on somethin that can be prominent. That could be destiny." I agree, I just feel all funny now. I want to start over in our relationship. I want to go to New York to visit him and we sit and have a face to face talk. Eh, I'll clue you in to anything new. Well this is just day 9, more days to go.-Ciao.
YonA.Steeze Publications ©2009

3 Week Diary: Day 8

2009-12-08T08:27:00.005-05:00

I woke up this morning to a call from a family friend. She's taking care of a foster child that is going through her rebellious phase in want of attention because she cannot be with her mother and her siblings. She has attempted suicide and was put in a mental institution for some time. Well I'm young and Ms. Roslyn perceives me to be "intelligent" so she asked if I am willing to spend some time with Diamond. Sure. I wanted to say I'm experienced in this area because I speak with people my age about their issues and although most of the time I'm not going through their situation God instills in me values to relay to them. I see this as a big task. Not only do I have to put on a mask like I don't know her situation but I also have to practice what I preach. It's easy to tell someone what not to settle for when you're settling for it as well. So I'm ready to 'save another life'. Sometimes one must converse with one they actually trust and is in their age rage although I'm a little more her senior but hell, we all face the same situations just at different times. I'll bring the subject up later when things are in place. I came across some interesting topics on Dizzy's blog http://edotdizzy.blogspot.com/. Most of the time we look down on our younger generation and 'shun' or act appalled by the things they do when in actuality we were once there. I can say that I wasn't the type of girl to date guys older than me, unlike my sister, and I wasn't having sex. I didn't begin smoking until the 8th grade and no one influenced me. I did it myself just was with two people I trust. I feel parents need to keep that in mind when they begin to fuss and get strict. You know sex and drugs are out there so you tell your child if you are going to have sex strap it up take birth control but it's in your best interest to wait. Give them the pros and cons. Kids and people in general will do what they want. Bottom line instill guidance don't persecute and belittle.

Today's event: Tiara and I went to the mall and I met her girlfriend Montier. I had so much fun with her lol her fly pregnant ass. First time in my life I saw a pregnant chick rock heels. After the mall they dropped me off at my friend Ryan's house and later on that evening I spent time with him and his cousin. Hella fun. And I beat my godmother home. GRREEEAAAT!I have to swallow my fear again and ask my godmother if it's cool for me to go to this Meet & Greet Thursday night. If you're in the Baltimore area; Thursday December 10th The Clipse will be having a Meet & Greet at Shop Gentei 1010 Morton Street. I hope she says yes, my nigga Al Peace and the crew will be present.

3 Week Diary: Day 7

2009-12-07T19:28:00.000-05:00

Today was a good day for me. I saw my little friend Tiara and got to rub her belly and I saw my old boo Damon. Felt like a family reunion or something. I was all smiles today. Nothing held me back. Tomorrow Tiara and I plan to go to the mall. Things are looking on the up and up. I'm still trying to get the hang of this Twitter thing. No bull, I'm ready to go back to North Carolina. I have some things waiting on me back home and I'm impatient to greet them. I need to purchase some winter boots. Maybe tomorrow. For Christmas this year I don't seek gifts from everyone. I feel I've matured. Quick Question: "Why is it absurd to see a handsome young lady that is single?"I hate when guys say something like "you're so pretty I know you have a boyfriend" and when I tell them no they say "well what's a pretty girl like you doing being single." I remember this one guy had the nerve to ask me if something was wrong with me. Smh, lol. NO! I'm contemplating if emceeing is my forte, I can actually pursue a career but I'm indecisive at the moment.Photo of the day:

3 Week Diary: Day 6

2009-12-06T17:56:00.000-05:00

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Sucka Free Baybeeh!Started my day off with a dose of Jesus and the Almighty God. Early morning text messages leave me tired. Might I add I looked great for the Lord, lol. Church was ROCKING! Whew lawd. Pardon as I make a statement to my Lord and Savior pues, "Father God I know that you're using me. You didn't allow me from preventing those from committing suicide for nothing. I don't shine in dark tunnels for nothing. I know that you utilize me Lord and I don't want You to think I'm running from you. I know this worldly lifestyle I bestow is not for me. Bare with me dear Lord and guide me. I love you. Amen." Before going to church I get all sweaty and I don't know why. But today I was chilled and ready. I took today to pray for my cousin Scrap and for my godmother's sister. I also utilized today to speak with God about my issues with my godmother. She intimidates me and she's overly protective and I want that to STOP! So if it's His will then maybe this week I'll get to do what I want. Last week I chilled and there was no conflict except that statement she made about my cousin-- "that's what he gets."
So I'm feeling good, no half stepping for real shordy. Thanks to those who have recently become followers of my blog. I greatly appreciate your feedback on my sentimental life. :)Just day 6, more days to go.-Ciao.
YonA.Steeze Publications ©2009

3 Week Diary: Day 5

2009-12-05T19:12:00.000-05:00

Saturday, December 5, 2009I woke up to snow and not wanting to stay in the bed. I didn't want to believe the weather man earlier in the week but he was right. It reminds me of the snow in North Carolina, so it may not stick. I'm suppose to go shopping with my godcousin Tracy later on. Pray for her mother. She has some leukemia cells going on in her body. Question: Why do people feel sick for a LONG time and they don't go to the hospital until it's TOO late? But yeah, so that's one plan that I have today. Since the weather is shitty I don't know if my godmother will let me chill with my twin. But yo, I wake up every morning and read this guy's blog:http://edotdizzy.blogspot.com/ . His personal relationship stories, philosophies and sometimes rants are entertaining and insightful. Plus he's an artist so you may enjoy his music as well. But if you're interested in poetry then hit me on twitter @QueenYonnialQ/poetryI'm trying to get the hang of this twitter thing. I think twitter should have a separate section for replies to tweets because I hate my "good" status changes whenever I reply to a tweet. :/

And I spent my day baby sitting the worst 3 little boys ever. Well they are cute but just hard headed. They spent time jumping on my bed, play fighting and being loud. They did calm down and started climbing on me as if I were a tree. Smh. I felt like I got raped by three little boys. Eek. So my day was full of snow and three little boys. Smh, a waste.

Just Day 5, more days to go (first week over forreal).

-Ciao.

3 Week Diary: Day 4

2009-12-04T19:32:00.002-05:00

Friday, December 4, 2009I woke up this morning scheming and my gut screaming NO! I ran across this video by TheForeRunner777 again, I'm posting this for YOUR feedback being that I am not a masterbater. So check it out:

On to the reason why my gut was saying no. Either I'm scared to ask my godmother if I can go to a football game with my friend Mani or I'm really not feeling being surrounded by his high school friends. I take my comfortability very seriously and I don't do conflict so I steer around it if I have a feeling it's coming. I never thought I'd say this but I miss North Carolina. It's not the state that I miss but just being comfortable and knowing I can get over on my grandmother. It may sound bad but it's true.

My homeboy Brandon came and spent time with me, it was chillz.

My day was pretty chillz. Interesting people make my life much easier (Gabby, Pay Pay, John David...just to name a few). Hopefully tomorrow I hang with my twin Damani.

This is just day 4, more days to go.

-Ciao.
P.S Follow me on twitter @QueenYonnialQ

3 Week Diary: Day 4

2009-12-03T16:22:00.001-05:00

Thursday, December 3,2009"The Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh away"I finally got my hair corn rolled today. The girl Black hooked me up, but my good day was slightly interrupted by a phone call. My aunt called to inform me that my cousin known to us as Little Joseph (my kissing cousin from back in the day lol) had been shot five times, was paralyzed and at the moment in his second surgery and according to doctors he has a 50/50 chance of making it out. It crushed my heart to hear something like that. And I know his grandparents, his mother, his siblings, uncles/aunts, and not to mention is wild father Joseph is going through it. I tell you readers, the lives we choose to live by can lead us down the wrong path. My cousin is in a gang and I don't want to assume but I'm sure it was most likely gang related if not drug related. I know God is going to do what's best for shordy, I just hope our family sees it that way. Ugh, it's killing me while I'm typing this and I'm trying to not cry and to remain positives. PRAYER is what he needs. The situation has me bent for real. P.S My aunt just hit me on Facebook and told me this shooting took place at 5 A.M and at that he is in his third surgery. I dropped on hands and knees, face to the ground and prayed... UGH! AND TELL ME WHY MY GODMOTHER SAID, "THAT'S WHAT HE GET." Here's the new do...I'm upset about the hairstylist in NC that trimmed my hair too short, ugh it was much longer!

Question of the night: Will Aunt Anne allow me to go to a game with my friend Mani tomorrow night at 7? Will answer when she gets home from work. The Answer:____.Just Day 4, more to come.-Ciao.
YonA.Steeze Publications ©2009

3 Week Diary: Day 3

2009-12-02T14:35:00.002-05:00

Wednesday, December 2, 2009I hear there is a tattoo party this weekend and I'm interested in going. I'm undecided of which tattoo I want to get. I'm thinking of getting this:

Which is a picture of me, with 'al-malika' underneath. Al-Malika means "the queen" in Arabic.

Last night I started watching a video on YouTube by user TheForeRunner777 who is incharge of the "Deception of Jay-Z" videos. Well his latest videos are about Homogenization. Homogenization is to form by blending unlike elements; make homogeneous according to dictionary.com. In his videos he speaks of social issues that attack Christian views/beliefs, Obama's health reform being similar to Hitler's health reform, and he also exposes celebrities. LET ME SAY THIS, THE MEDIA HAS SO MANY MESSAGES SO WE HAVE TO DO OUR RESEARCH AND FIND OUT FOR OURSELF IF WHAT WE SEE AND HEAR IS ACTUALLY MEANT TO TEACH US SOMETHING. SO I'M NOT SAYING I BELIEVE WHAT I'M VIEWING, I HAVE TO DO MY RESEARCH, BUT WHAT HE SAYS CAN HAVE YOU BELIEVING BECAUSE HE PROVES WHAT HE SAYS. So if you're interested then check out his videos "Homo-geniz-ation" Parts 1-12. Here's one that stuck out to me:

This video is just a snibbet, you have to check out the others...
Just day 3, more days to go.
-Ciao.

YonA.Steeze Publications ©2009

3 Week Diary: Day 2

2009-12-01T20:47:00.000-05:00

Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Why is it my body aches in the morning when I don't feel like waking up? It's the God in me, lol. I started my day with a bowl of strawberry Wheaties and decided to do a deed for my godmother--put some songs on her mp3 player that she always mistakes for an iPod-- and decided to rip a CD by Super Blue (Kaisonian artist) onto my computer as well. I am thinking of going to my friend's basketball game and as I type this my headache is approaching. I need to get my brain checked out. YES COLLIN I DID LAY DOWN, PLAY MUSIC AND CLOSE MY EYES. Aside from that, I'm thinking about getting a tattoo on the right side of my upper pelvis. I need an artist to draw the tattoo for me. I also want to get the left side of my lip pierced. When am I going to start doing things that I want to do and not fret over my relatives speaking their disdain? I can't answer that right now. OMG! Miniscule drama of the evening. Awhile back I was going to the movies with this young lady and she mentioned that she heard that our friend does something that isn't cool in my perspective and so I told her that I was going to ask him and she told me not to tell him. Well he and I were conversing and I did ask him and I did mention her. So he began ignoring her and then it finally came out and she contacted me upset about it. She called me last Friday asking if I told him and I lied (I was wrong for lying) but he and I just talked about it and he appreciates me asking him and he's upset with her because she started he say she say and she didn't come to him being that she is his friend as well. Sheesh, I hope she and I never speak again. Day 2, and more to come.
-Ciao.
P.S

YonA.Steeze Publications ©2009

3 Week Diary (Same Post But Updated Daily)

2009-11-30T13:52:00.012-05:00

Monday, November 30, 2009

So the Ravens made a 20 point victory in over time against the Steelers who were left with 17. Thumbs up Baltimore! The game high lighted my night being that it was my first day back in two months. It's rainy out here and my godfather is preparing ribs for his brother and my godmother is at work on her day off doinga weave. So what will my day consist of? I have no expectations. If you follow me on a personal basis then you understand that I am a queen guarded by peasants, not to call my loved ones peasants but aye, who have intentions to protect me from the gut of the city/life but go about it the wrong way. So I'm 'chilling' until I'm 100% sure that I can make moves the way I want to. I over heard that I can't go anywhere unless Uncle Baby (godfather) and Aunt Anne (godmother) drop me off and pick me up. Also my friends' licenses will be scanned. Yes, folks it's that serious to them. I don't want a relapse of this past summer when I was accused of being sneaky when in actuality I was just attempting to go to the Harbor to meet a friend. :( This is just day 1, there are more to come.

-Ciao.

Egg Shells.

2009-11-28T21:57:00.000-05:00

"To allow one to intimidate, is to allow one to control your life"

-K. Shears.

I didn't pull my godmother to the side and tell her how I feel as far as my freedom goes. I mentioned my plan to my grandmother and mother and they told me that I have to abide by Uncle Steph's and Aunt Anne's rules because they only seek to protect me. I agree with that. I just feel as though there is a thin line and they merely cross it. I want to get out of Raleigh regardless so I'll take each day at a time.

I ended my holiday fairly well. I visited my godcousins in Greenville and then attended dinner with my friend Chris Bess and his family. Afterwards, I made an attempt to see my grandmother but she wasn't home.

I'm tired and I haven't packed my suitcase yet. Aye, if you're a skyper hit me up: yona.steeze

Good Work Pays Off

2009-11-27T22:44:00.000-05:00

God has blessed me with a caring individual: Mr. Steven Wade. He is paying for my first semester at Wake Tech along with my books and he even took me shopping today. He said,"You reward good behavior and punish bad," and I agree with him. I can't wait until I begin school so that I can prove to him that his good 'deed' paid off. I'm considering going to Baltimore with my godparents. I'm hesitant though. My summer was a mess due to my godmother's over protective nature. My cousin told me to pull her to the side and tell her my expectations. I'll try it. I kind of have people looking forward to seeing me so regardless I'll go. I need to get away from Raleigh for a few weeks. :)I ended my night with a doobie so now I'm on chills. Here's are some photos:

I love that DC jacket btw.

Real chilled steeze.
YonA.Steeze Publications ©2009

My World.

2009-11-25T21:42:00.000-05:00

Ace Guala is back! I'm so ecstatic. And I'm sitting here grinning like a giddy blond girl. :)

Dimples♥

Aggressive Drivers

2009-11-25T16:46:00.000-05:00

You never know how you affect other drivers on the road until you receive a letter from an unknown person expressing how they feel about your driving. My grandmother received a letter from a lady expressing her fear of "aggressive" driving. She didn't know who this woman was but I recognized what the woman described in the leter. I was in the car with Godfrey when a lady was driving slow in front of us. Godfrey was on her bumper and she proceeded to roll her window down and stick her hand out of the window. Well that affected the woman. She felt Godfrey, whom she didn't know the gender of the driver, was being an aggressive driver and she is pregnant so it made her fearful. She sent the letter she sent to us to the police along with our home address and my grandmother's tags. My grandmother is infuriated by this since she wasn't the acclaimed aggressive driver and it is perceived that she is since the police have her tags. Godfrey was very defensive about it and attempted to use me to justify him. He thought the lady stuck out her middle finger but she just stuck her hand out to signal him to back off. Shake my head. Things are getting worse between Godfrey and my grandmother. Once he goes back to Barbados he most definitely will not be welcomed here. Sheesh. So moral of the entry, no matter how slow someone is driving don't be all up on their bumper. Be patient. Gone.YonA.Steeze Publications ©2009

Successes

2009-11-24T09:25:00.001-05:00

A good friend of mine told me,"Don't wait on school, don't wait on anything or anybody. God never told you that you'll live that long..." We were discussing via text about executing success while I wait. I took a semester off of college--if you didn't already know that-- and in my opinion I've been on lockdown, always in my room doing this! My friend is goal-oriented and he's on his way to success because he works hard. And like a true friend he pushes his circle to do their best as well. Right now I feel empty and feel like I don't have any goals. I told him I'm waiting 'til school begins in January and that's when he said the above quote. I feel some type of way about it. I want to show him that I do have good intentions for myself but I really can't reach in my thoughts and think of ONE thing I want to achieve at this moment. I have so many "best interest" seekers in my life and I receive so many rants and lectures of what I need to do that I become numb to it. I have to live for me, you can talk to your blue and if I'm not feeling it it's a waste of your breath right? And in no shape or form am I regarding that to Mez. Always saying that I'm on lockdown or I do nothing is merely a big excuse. If I'm serious about something then nothing is stopping me. I have to stop saying that my grandmother is preventing me from doing things although it is true. I digress. I have this book on depression and stress that I'll begin reading. Maybe a light bulb will click in my head. Only God can make things happen for me so why are humans trying to direct me? If He's using them I'll know, right now I don't feel that vibe. Maybe I'm being too bigoted and ignoring their value. I'm going through it folks.
In the mean time I can't wait for my very close friend Arrington to come back in town. He is well loved by my grandmother and we ALWAYS have a great time together. He's the masculine version of me like Collin suggested. No, no, I'm not looking for a relationship. Matter of fact, Ace--the name I call him-- and I had a discussion about he and I and I told him that I know he's the type of guy for me and that if I date him I don't ever seek to break up. So right now in my youthful life I'm going to make sure all of the want to talk to any other guy is out of my system before I date him. I don't ever want to hurt him. He understands that. I swear I affiliate myself with guys that aren't even on my level, that's a slap in the face to guys I know that are like Ace. I apologize.

Sanity

2009-11-23T16:23:00.000-05:00

On my journey to becoming natural I read up on natural hair blogs and watch tutorials on YouTube. I came across two videos on YouTube that inspired me but I'll only post one. This young lady's hair is exactly where I want my hair to be and she started off with a shorter length than me. My hair is my EVERYTHING. I hope to never meet Delilah (Biblical reference to Samson)

My friend Shann told me to just keep my hair braided. Maybe I'll start taking photos of my journey.

Lost One

2009-11-22T19:16:00.000-05:00

I knew God would relieve me from this situation. My first true dose of love, although it was 30/70, and my heart isn't left broken. I spent a year infatuated by and loving Robert. He called me today and told me that I need to move on with my life and that he feels I let pass a lot of things for him. He realizes that he was forcing himself to love me and that he realizes that he'll be lonely. The facade had finally been transformed to reality. As he was telling me his feelings I wasn't upset. I was actually feeling a burden being lifted off of my soldiers. Internet love does not always work folks. Congrats to those that actually survive. Lol, now I feel like a fool for telling people he was my fiance...Oh welp. I learned a lot about myself in this relationship and I soooo thank my friend Collin for the talk we had yesterday. He told me what I already knew; to search for a guy that is the male version of me. No matter how much I love Rob there are LOTs of things that don't coincide. I want a Godly relationship and I feel he's far from Godly. So God saved me from a heart break, and I thank Him sooo much. I hope Robert will be okay, he feels like dying. :) The last pic of Bobby that I'll ever post...♥

:)

2009-11-20T14:31:00.007-05:00

I went jogging today for the first time in a month and "Tiney Winey" was the song that had me energized. I didn't run straight I did walk some. I confess I'm out of shape to be slim. It looks so pretty outside and it feels good so jogging was my reasoning for going outside. I applaud myself for not committing a mistake. While crossing the road to run this man was walking up the side walk. I usually run to the left of my house but that was the direction he was going in so I just walked past him and walked to the right. I stopped on the corner to stretch and when I looked back he had looked back as well. I started running then. My day has been good. I'm anticipating to see Mr. Steven and possibly discuss some business. I was told that social networking websites get old and I ought to get off of them. True. But when I do nothing in my spare time it's great on time consumption. I was told I act 12 and so if I do then please don't affiliate yourself with me. Indirectly speaking to someone. Welp, today hasn't failed me yet. Have a good weekend readers & COLLIN!
YonA.Steeze Publications ©2009

'Round & Round We Go'

2009-11-19T19:28:00.001-05:00

I swear this 'in love' flow is ridic' shordy. To be in love is amazing, yeah it is, but each situation is different. My situation can be chillz but to me I take it like it's my last breath. At times I'm close to regretting being in love with someone I've never met. I swore after him I'd treat any guy who came at me on the 'net wayyy differently...more less the proper way but my intentions on friendship are always transformed into an infatuation. Smh at me. And being that I can't date my sweety due to his distance I'm here lonely and wanting to date someone but two things conflict with me. 1. I know who I want to be with so I'm like waiting and 2. I never want to feel as though I'm wasting any guy's time. No rebound flow shordy. *Sighs, so I try to avoid him because he has me stuck and although he's my future he's manipulating my present and it has me siiiiicccckkkk! He called me today highly influenced off the marijuana and he was a little emotional. We hadn't spoken since Saturday when he ticked me off about something. In our conversation today he asked me if I was sure I wouldn't do anything grimey to him and I said yes. He asked, "Do you OD promise?" And I replied,"Yeah." He asked me will I go looking for him if he doesn't go looking for me, will I take the initiative? I replied yes, he said,"Why?" and I replied,"Because I want to be with you," and he said,"Why?" And I replied,"Because I love you," and he said,"Why?" And I said,"Because it's embedded in me," and he got quiet but I was hoping he would ask why....he then said he'd call me back because he was sooooo happy and on the verge of tears. I swear drugs and liquor can embark so much emotion. I love him, yes I do, but I can't breath due to the fact he's a soul I can't reach at the moment. Patience. I'm lonely.

Pic Booth

2009-11-18T15:59:00.000-05:00

What Do You Think?

2009-11-17T13:11:00.000-05:00

Therapy

2009-11-16T16:10:00.000-05:00

Things in my life shall get better. You can bet your bottom dollar on that. They say that it gets worse before it gets better. When we are born we aren't in control of the families we are born into. Our parents may possibly be to blame for reproducing we but if you are spiritual then you know that the Creator saw fit to place you into this world. We have a purpose or a print to leave in Earth and I'm dying to know mine. I get angry and upset that I was born into a family that has placed more cracks to separate from each other than the cracks created by an earthquake. It's ridiculous and I didn't ask to be born into it but I am. The person I love the most has hurt the most and yes during her trials something could have been done but it wasn't so thus we can't attempt to decipher the past. Fingers are steadily pointed but no one sees fit to analyze nor thank God that they all survived this trauma. I thank God each day and ask him to restore my family. It starts with each individual. If you're lost to what I'm saying, it's okay. My goal in life is to start first with God and then my family. To restore the relationship my mother and I never had but she always wanted. To steadily pray that God strengthens my grandmother and that my cousin is liberated from his abuse without committing suicide or homocide. I pray for my people. *Sighs. :)YonA.Steeze Publications ©2009

...The Day After

2009-11-15T10:38:00.000-05:00

The two most important people in my life are affecting me but I won't fret, I suppose I'm affecting them as well. I digress. The video above was actually recorded yesterday and I was considering including it yesterday's entry but the entry was long enough. Today feels like an emotional hang over. Yesterday's saga still lingers in my head but I'm looking to the east. I shall be leaving for church soon and I have lots to pray about. I always find it amusing that there are people out there that wait 'til Sunday morning to pray their hearts out when it's nothing to just pray to God no matter where you are. I'm the latter. I'm so serious about this "chillin' off" movement although I only accept my own membership. Things will get better...Enjoy the video and if you are on YouTube then rate, subscribe and comment! ♥
YonA.Steeze Publications ©2009

Vomit

2009-11-14T19:02:00.001-05:00

Today ended as a curse. Shake my head. At the moment I feel like a mute, my chest hurts and I just want to run, run, and run from all of this drama. My grandmother, Godfrey (family friend staying with us) and my Aunt Shantel helped my mother move some items into her new house. So my grandmother and I are in the living room and Godfrey is upstairs with my mother and he says something about my grandmother and she hears him. Automatically she screams out 'fucks' and 'motherfuckers'. She went off on him. She was so loud the neighbors could hear her. That was the last straw. Any and everything bothering her just came out. She left the house in a rampage and being fast and not thinking she backed her rental car (her car is in the shop due to the accident) in a ditch. So embarrassing. She really acting a donkey. My mother is kind of embarrassed because that's not a good first impression. I prayed on hands and knees for my grandmother. She bottles so much and I confess I haven't made it easier. She's in denial and you can't vent to her without her getting offensive so I get an attitude with her and speak very nasty to her. Well when Godfrey and I returned home she bust in my room and really vented to me. I looked her straight in her eyes. I was astonished that she finally put her foot down. I am going to chill off of her. I am going to try to hold my attitude and just relax. She's done a lot for me but I'm not going to blind myself of the nonsense she's put me through. Shake my head. So she just left and I'm in my room listening to Gucci Mane :( trying to get my mind off of today's nonsense. Bottom line she is in control of how people treat her and bottling it in resulted in today. I've realized that she wont change and that I can never vent to her. My chest is pounding and I could cry but I don't want to. It's not my problem. It's hers. You know she was upset that I didn't leave with her. When one is upset they don't think. She already ran into the ditch and was stuck. So what if she were to get into a fatal accident? Two lives gone. This is the last time I'm venting about her. She said if we have an issue with her we need to stop talking to others and talk to her. That won't work. Pray for me and my family. I have one word to describe my family and that's the novel PUSH and the film PRECIOUS. 'Nough said. GONE...
YonA.Steeze Publications ©2009

Keep On Trucking

2009-11-14T10:32:00.002-05:00

I received my email today. I did not get hired for the part-time position. I think it had something to do with my "busy" style that the manager kept commenting on. I will apply to Macaroni Grill and any other places I hear that are hiring. No biggie. Since my grandmother knew about the interview she's been asking me if I received the email and suggesting what to say in interviews. It's kind of annoying. I've considered 'chillin' off of her. Basically not getting so uptight and thinking before I react. She feels that Godfrey (family friend visiting) and I are making her life suck so I'll be respectful and just chill. She's always to blame others.I LOVE YOU BOBBY!

The love of my life! My true best friend. My soul mate. Tokyo and Aurora's father. My FUTURE.Being single sucks when you know who you want to be with BUT you CAN'T be with that person due to distance.:/♥....YonA.Steeze Publications ©2009

Patiently Waiting

2009-11-12T17:37:00.000-05:00

The interview went well today in my opinion. I wore my AE plaid button down, some dark denim jeans and brown cowboy boots. I was dressed acceptable for the store. The manager was a short Caucasian, young lady. She asked me to describe myself and I mentioned that I'm 18, a poet, an aspiring journalist, I like fashion, stimulating conversations and dance. She inquired on what style of dancing and I mentioned my West Indian heritage. She asked me about school and I told her my future plans and how I plan to fit work in my school schedule. She kept mentioning how she realizes I plan and she said something about me being busy. She asked why I should be hired due to the fact I don't have any work experience. I told her I'm big on fashion and seek to aid others as well as enhance my knowledge on fashion. She asked what type of qualities I bestow and I said I'm a people's person, big on communication, helpful, good spirited and partially bilingual. She asked about my accomplishments I mentioned honor roll, being published, track, and newspaper. Hopefully I stood out, we'll find out tomorrow. I'm going to keep pushing and apply to other places as well. My grandmother and I got into an argument. She said I'm pig headed because I don't want to hear her opinions. I could care less of what she has to say. Collin is sooo right I need to do some mental cleansing.
YonA.Steeze Publications ©2009

Yes!

2009-11-11T17:59:00.003-05:00

Determination and no foolery paid off I swear. I have an interview scheduled tomorrow for Buckle, it's a clothing store:

Although one of the employees has her nose pierced I am going to take my lip ring out. If I get this job I'm really going to be exstatic because not only did I handle my business I did it on my own. My grandmother has been saying that she is going to find me a job and so if I get hired it's like see grandma I can do it on my own. Get me? She doesn't know about my interview. I asked my mother if she can take me tomorrow and she said she'll see. I reaaaally hope she is able to. I'm merely executing my plan. I'm so happy.

Quote of the day by way of my new best friend:

"You're the best I never knew I needed"

Btw, my laptop charger is broken so I won't be able to update you if I got the job...bare with me folks ♥

YonA.Steeze Publications ©2009

"Today Was A Good Day"

2009-11-10T20:13:00.002-05:00

Today had to have been one of many productive days in my life. I went to the community college and retook the math portion of the COMPASS placement test, scored a 45--two points from a 47, so I have to take review math classes eek. When I got home I registered for 5 classes and all I have to do is pay. I went to the mall and applied at some stores. If you don't know, I'm VERY determined to be on my A game. I have 3 priorites:

School
Job
Car

After I achieve that then visiting Bobby and possibly moving in with my mother.

I need some advice folks. My grandmother is suffocating my life. It seems she doesn't want me to socialize with my male home boys. She makes me come home early and makes snide remarks. My friend told me to "call her bluff" but what woudl YOU guys/gals do? Your advice is gladly appreciated. :)
Ex. Told to John Coney via Skype:"Why the heck my grandmother come in my room asking where my clothes are and saying she hopes I'm not on my webcam...like I have my Polo button down on but no pants. I'm in MY room comfy. I told her to get out of my room and she said not to talk to her like that and i said don't come in my room talking like that."

Space

2009-11-09T12:00:00.004-05:00

I just deactivated my Facebook account for these reasons:

All my time is spent on Facebook
I treat internet friends too personal (nothing wrong with it but... there are some cons)
I'm not focused
I'm making promises that reality cannot fulfill
I just need a break :)

Those who have my number can either hit my phone or IM me, just that simple. I see the cycle repeating as
far as me deleting and recreating Myspace accounts.

I got my hair curled with flexi rods...before I looked like Madusa (sp)

Lol, I hate the dryer. I sat beneath it 3 times! BTW the stylist said I look like I could be Al B. Sure's daughter...if only she knew papi looks like him

FLO- RI- DA

2009-11-09T03:00:00.002-05:00

This weekend was spent in DeBary, Florida. I said I'd never go to Florida and last December made it my first so a year later I came back. Last year it was to attend my cousin Sierra's Sweet Sixteen bday party and this year it was to support her at her baby shower. MTV's 16 & Pregnant yeah I know. Let me just say I dread the ride to and from Florida. We stopped it seemed every hour. Smh. Below are photos that highlight my weekend.Friday

L to R:Aunt Betty, Andre(Sierra's father), Sierra(preggo), Uncle Smitty(Sierra's grandpa), Aunt Louise(Sierra's grandma) and Kennedy(Sierra's youngest bro)
Saturday

The flattest buttock and the lady in the white who snuck in the pic--at the Farmers' Market

My outfit for the shower/before taking my braids out

My cousin Garret and I, he's trying to get on my level

Preggo and I
The best photos are on her digital camera and on her grandfather's professional cam so I'm waiting to receive those. The shower was great and she received a lot of great items/cash for Tristen Jayden Dillard. :) She's expected to pop in 2 weeks... bless her and Jamonte (the dad).YonA.Steeze Publications ©2009

Poetry (Planting Poetrees)

2009-11-06T04:11:00.001-05:00

"At night I fear to sleep. When I close my eyes I see fantastical 'what ifs' that haunt me because they will one, never come true and two, I use them to answer a question. Hating to close my eyes in fear, Becoming blind for my hearing as well fails me in my slumber. I jump at imaginary bumps, slams, and cracks that which I believe to hear.-Yours Truely

This piece was written in late August when things were very 'tight' between my love and I. I'm still waiting to be recovered.

Driving While...

2009-11-05T17:46:00.001-05:00

My grandmother and I were talking as she turned on her turning signal and we were in the process of turning into our driveway...then BOOM an SUV rams into me and then rolls into my front yard. The impact didn't effect me but it had me at attention. I said,"If the day couldn't have gotten worse." He broke the passenger side mirror and the door cannot open. The door is also scraped badly. Smh. I hope he wasn't on his cell phone. My old head G went off on him, he was in the house and heard the commotion. I'm not even worried about me, I'm fine, I'm worried about my grandmother and her feelings. Just another incident to add on the break her down list. Sighs.

YonA.Steeze Publications ©2009

Thuggin'

2009-11-05T14:04:00.001-05:00

I enjoy talking to young men as if they are females...

(Not pictured: Dunks x DC jeans x DC AK back pack)I went to school today and finished up my last day of tutoring. I couldn't test today but it's all good. I'll go retest and register Monday. BAM! A two-in-one. So I peeped the Trey Songz' "I Invented Sex" video and might I say it's intriguing and I better not catch it on 106&Park--whenever I turn to BET.BTW, THANKS FOR FOLLOWING MY BLOG AND COMMENTING. I APPRECIATE IT A LOT. BIG UPS TO YOU, YOU AND DEF' YOU :)Okay so this blog entry was a bunch of randomness, oh yeah tomorrow I'm leaving for Florida and when I return I'll have much to blog about so be ready!YonA.Steeze Publications ©2009

Going Emotionally Insane

2009-11-04T17:28:00.003-05:00

"As of now, I don't want this anymore. This? All feelings I bestow. I'd rather be empty than to store emotions on layaway. Away, away with it all. Adieu!"

And he said, "I swear I so what these..." And that's how I'm feeling right now. Ever had too many crushes on your plate and you wanted to demolish 'em all? Yeah, I'm feeling that way. I gotta get away from my lack of honesty and it's not all me, the partnership is going bankrupt shordies.

YonA.Steeze Publications ©2009

Watch He Rant

2009-11-04T11:58:00.002-05:00

"I was conservative or safe and that embellished my fait hand enhanced my fear."-Keyona Shears

Wish List

2009-11-03T17:15:00.000-05:00

Since I'm broke I'm playing with my imagination. But I want these:

(Courtesy of Hypebeast.com)I haven't worn Jordans since Junior high and I actually miss them. I'm slightly frugal on tennis since my foot is in the men's size (a 7 not bad). Hopefully my best friend gets the Space Jams for me like he mentioned. I always fall for it but hopefully he's the first to be serious and go through with the purchase. POW!YonA.Steeze Publications ©2009

Inspired to Blog

2009-11-03T02:09:00.002-05:00

Guys and Gals don't you dislike when your significant other some how shelters the one he's soooo into? For example, you leave a comment on his/hers social networking website saying ugh, "I love you" and he/she may reply to in a text to your phone or not at all...lol I found it amusing when Bito did that. Or in the case of my friends, their love puts pics of all his/her friends and a sentimental caption but doesn't put the pic nor leave the caption for the girlfriend/boyfriend. Guess when it's just the two of you it doesn't matter. I can agree on that. I attempted to post a status about my love and 4 other guys commented it. A Drake (intro to Best I Ever Had) moment--lol. But I eventually deleted the other guys' comments and left his. :) So I guess I see why he didn't reply...eek. I caught a little feelings folks. *Shrugs, I LOVE YOU ROB!

This old joint still makes me happy and dance:

Rock Me - Gwop Band

Executing Priorities

2009-11-02T21:20:00.001-05:00

Time is winding up for me. Not life. But what I've been waiting on will soon be in existence- SCHOOL!- and I still have a few things to get in order such as spending my, ugh, 10 hours in the math lab, retake the math portion of the placement test, register for my courses and pay the spring tuition. Tomorrow I'll be at the school spending my time and I plan to do so Wednesday and Thursday as well. I've procrastinated long enough. Big birthday shout out to my mother Nannette and an old acquaintance Thomas. Ayee scorpios! (I'm an aries).And one of my fav' Chutney+Soca riddumsYonA.Steeze Publications ©2009

I and I

2009-11-01T21:39:00.006-05:00

I told him that I love him and he replied,"I love you more baby." I always feel stuck because I so like but dislike when he does that. I replied,"I know you do baby. I thank you for loving me. I appreciate you." He simply replied,"It's my pleasure." And I said,"It's time you get the love that you deserve Bobby," and he said,"Aww really by you right?" And I said,"Yes. I'm so serious mane. I can't do it alone. You have to teach me. It's just you and me," and he said,"I don't know how to teach you babe you'll just have to figure it out." And I said,"Ok," and he said,"Cause I don't know how I should be loved." I said, "Gotcha," and he said,"How should I be loved" And I said,"THE WAY I THINK I SHOULD BE LOVED"

Today's topic is just that last quote. I've heard over and over when one is in tune with their self that they aren't easily misguided nor do they settle for less. I can agree with that. I feel if you love yourself strongly and hold high confidence in yourself then you allow others to love you because you know how you want it to feel. I swear if he loved himself as much as he should then he'd stop wishing he'd be loved all these type of ways. I can love him beyond his imagination and he knows that. We're big on choppin' the words and bestowing it in the action. I just need him here.
"Wishes it were just you and I, time's beating slow love, it's time to harvest our love."

My Red Light Special

Surprise!

2009-10-31T22:10:00.000-04:00

So my mother bought a new home and surprised my grandmother, my aunt Devorra, my cousin Sylvia and I. I thank God for giving her what she's always wanted. About time, she's spent 17 years in the same apartment.Check it out:

Mother centered in leggings located in the master bedroom

This is the front of the house ( it includes a garage and half bathroom)

The kitchen area

I hope she gets a plasma btw I love the staircase

One out of three bedrooms, this is mine!
I'm so excited for my mother. I think this is a sign of new and better things. She and I need to establish a better mother and daughter relationship. God is good. I'm motivated to get my ish together. To make my night even more pure my baby called me and I let him speak to my grandmother and mother. :) I'm so ready to start my life with he. YonA.Steeze Publications ©2009

Going In

2009-10-31T03:39:00.001-04:00

My Friday was "just another day in the East Atlanta 6" (I believe that's what he said...Gucci). The high light of my day were 3 things that I will discuss separately.1. My grandmother called my phone for work and asked me if I curse on Facebook and then gave me a rant about her co-workers and my mother's co-workers see me as a respectable person and if they saw my vulgar language they'd lose respect for me. She went on to say that employers search Facebook profiles (she heard on the news) and that I can't be a great journalist whom curses. I was amused by her rant and simply ended it with an "ard." So I spent a hour searching my profile for curse words. I don't curse in my status because family memebers are my friends and I know how that goes. So I was some what confused on her accusation. *Shrugs.
2. I was determined once again to get a new lip ring. You can call me spoiled because when I want something I get my mind fixated on it and I can't function if it doesn't go my way. So yeah, I made it to the mall to cop my lip ring but when I got home it took me hours to unscrew the ball on my lip ring. Eek, I was sick (upset) trying to get it off...but at 2 going on 3 I finally got it off. YAY! I really was on the verge of tears. I should be ashamed of msyelf right? I'm not though.3. The idea that once me and Rob meet up and have each other that one of us will realize that we don't real really love each other as hard as we thought because the distance filled us up with such an appetite and hunger. I fear that but that's how he feels. Only that moment will let us know. *Sighs. I hate long distance lust/love/crush/ whatever you want to call it depending on your relationship. :( ilyRob.YonA.Steeze Publications ©2009

ATTENTION LAYOUT GEEKS

2009-10-29T23:15:00.004-04:00

Lol at having a friend who attempted to connect me to someone who does layouts but I'm broke so eff it.
But I know a few if not many of my followers are fairly well in the blog layout area and if you ever get bored can you design a layout for me? If so just comment this post for real.

Update photo of me "Yonni Snoop"

HAIR!

2009-10-28T20:38:00.001-04:00

Something like hair un-comfortability due to my transition to natural from relaxed hair.Relaxed

Transitioning

Two textures :(

I can't wait to be 100% natural!

Sacrifice

2009-10-27T05:24:00.005-04:00

I suppose if he cheated on me I'd leave him alone, right? I suppose if he verbally, physically and emotionally abused me I'd let him go, definitely. I'm merely wrapped up in his confusion, being used as a guide to put him back on his feet. A SACRIFICE and I question if I will be the one that gets hurt at the end while he gets his life back?

I always resort to old emails to see if my now present (then future) is as successful as my past either mentioned or wanted. I have been gun hoe about he and I from day one. I've reassured him and proved to him just how qualified a candidate I am for him. Right now, I don't know how to feel. For four months I've been in a bipolar relationship. There are day when our heart coincides and then there are days when he'd rather make deals with death to soothe his fear of getting hurt...again. My Father and I have conversed so much about he and I that I don't want to worry God again...but I need answers. I need a sign that the time I'm ready to put in again will be well worth it at the end. I swear I just want to be with him but right now I hold the fear of being hurt and I'm ready to fall out of love but now I'm sitting here beckoning for love to rescue me.

And this is what I've been telling him:

"FUCK THE REST IN OTHER WORDS BOBBY YOU ARE THE LOVE SONGS I SING, YOU ARE THE SMILE PLANTED ON MY FACE, YOU ARE THE TEARS I SHED, YOU ARE THE OTHER SIDE OF THE WORLD COLUMBUS PROVED TO EXIST TO THE EAST, YOU ARE THE KNOWLEDGE I GAIN EVERYDAY OF ROMANCE AND PERSEVERENCE, YOU ARE THE MAN I WANT TO RISK ALL WITH, YOU ARE THE MAN I WANT TO GUIDE ME THROUGH LIFE AND PICK ME UP WHEN I FALL, YOUARE THE THROBBING OF MY HEART, YOU ARE INSIDE ME."

"I told you I never had the want or need to question us nor my feelings for you. Life is about growing, learning, and experiencing. I want you and I will fight to get you and stay with you (readers discretion at meaning of word). I'm cold inside yearning for love, affection. Others gradually step up to the plate and are unwillingly striked out."

"I live in you, so breathe through me"

This quote motivates me as much as I Corinthians 13:4-7

"There is no chance, no destiy, no fate, that can hinder or control the firm resolve of a determined soul. The difference between the impossible and the possible lies in a person's determination. The person who can drive himself further once the effort gets painful is the person who will win."

That's How I'm Going

2009-10-26T13:58:00.004-04:00

Enjoy

2009-10-25T20:05:00.000-04:00

You Are Not Alone

2009-10-25T12:04:00.001-04:00

Although I'm in a time in my life where I'm so imbalanced I realized yesterday that being surrounded by people can brighten your spirits. Yesterday was my great-great grandmother's birthday and the family threw their annual party at her house. I was anticipating to see my favorite female cousin and catch her up on what she missed since I last saw her. Besides that, my other cousins had me laughin' and that's what I needed.
I finally contacted my 'beau' and expressed my uneasiness about the other day (leaving out details) and it was a relief but now things are kind of rocky. One must realize that their actions can reveal a lot about them. Time will only tell if things work out between he and I. Maybe I'll update you. *Sighs.
I spent the rest of my night with a friend that my grandmother considers I have a 'love-hate' relationship with. He told me a few months passed that I changed and he didn't like it so we stopped communicating. Now he's back and I hope for good. I had the best of the first conversations with him about relationships and us and it really put me on chills. So spending time with him was well needed as well until I came home and my grandmother had something to say about my timing.
I see better days coming, :)
YonA.Steeze Publications ©2009

Friendship?

2009-10-22T06:25:00.000-04:00

I've realized within myself that I have full intention of being friends with guys I meet but then there is some attraction, therefore, I don't make friends with the opposite sex but crushes. I have to work on that. This video made me realize that I am in connection with what she's saying.